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Latest comment: 7 years ago6 comments2 people in discussion
@Theroadislong: First and foremost, thank you for reviewing the article. However, I am somewhat surprised by the fast decline. I've had success drafting articles for creation before, including some about brands/companies. I think you'll find that all content is sourced appropriately, and I've worked to prioritize accuracy and neutrality. But if there are specific words, phrases, or parts of the article that concern you, please let me know and I will see if I can address them appropriately. I would very much appreciate some specific feedback, as I'd like to improve the article enough to move into the main space. Inkian Jason (talk) 00:47, 30 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
Well for example…
"Hilton says Canopy is a lifestyle hotel brand"
"It advertises "guest-directed service, thoughtful local choices, and comfortable spaces."
"most appealing facilities of a select-service hotel"
"Canopy advertises "just right" guest rooms with "a great bed and the ideal sleep environment, uncloseted ease with open shelves and hangers[, and] filtered water""
"Canopy "aspires to a 'positively yours' culture" and promotes the brand through use of the hashtag '#PositivelyYours"
None of this is suitable for an encyclopedia article it is great marketing, but we require dry neutral facts and in-depth independent sources. Theroadislong (talk) 08:05, 30 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
@Theroadislong: Thanks for your reply. Please see my comments bulleted out in the same order as yours above:
Sure, my thinking here was to note the brand's status as a Lifestyle brand, but I've removed "is a 'lifestyle' hotel brand that" from the draft.
I removed "It advertises 'guest-directed service, thoughtful local choices, and comfortable spaces.'" from the draft.
Sure, my thinking here was to link to "select-service hotel", but I've removed "most appealing facilities of a select-service hotel" from the draft.
I removed the following sentence from the draft: "Canopy advertises "just right" guest rooms with "a great bed and the ideal sleep environment, uncloseted ease with open shelves and hangers[, and] filtered water."
I removed the following sentence from the draft: "Canopy "aspires to a 'positively yours' culture" and promotes the brand through use of the hashtag '#PositivelyYours."
You can view these changes here. I hope this helps. Please let me know if you have any other concerns, and if you'd be willing to move the draft into the main space or if I need to re-submit. I just want to make sure I'm following proper procedure here. Thanks again! Inkian Jason (talk) 17:43, 30 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
It still reads far more like an advert or marketing for the business than an encyclopaedia article. You will need to resubmit it but I will let someone else review it. The whole description section probably needs to go completely. Theroadislong (talk) 17:49, 30 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
Latest comment: 7 years ago3 comments3 people in discussion
@Bri: I was disappointed to see the list of properties removed. I thought this section provided a nice overview of where the brand conducted business and the status of each property (in terms of planned vs. under construction, opening dates, etc). @SwisterTwister: If I recall correctly, you had no problems with this section. Do you prefer this article with or without the list of property locations?
I’m no longer working on this topic for Hilton, but I still like to keep an eye on this article. Totally understood if you both simply feel that this content shouldn’t be retained, I’m just curious about it, especially to inform any future hotel brand pages I work on. Inkian Jason (talk) 16:34, 11 May 2017 (UTC)Reply
Standard practice. See history of Sofitel or lots of other corp articles where someone wants to maintain lists of nn offices. You can refer to WP:NOTDIR or WP:SOURCELIST for policies and guidelines. This was way over the top, occupying half the article. - Bri (talk) 16:52, 11 May 2017 (UTC)Reply
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