Talk:Yuri Kochiyama/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: Spookyaki (talk · contribs) 17:25, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Borsoka (talk · contribs) 15:10, 4 December 2024 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it well written?

   A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:

   B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:

2. Is it verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check?

   A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:

   B. Reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose):

   C. It contains no original research:

   D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:

   B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):

4. Is it neutral?

   It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:

5. Is it stable?

   It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:

6. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?

   A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:

   B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

Comments

• ...Kochiyama's father was the son of a retired samurai who arrived in the United States in 1907... Rephrase to make it clear that Kochiyama's father and not her grandfather came to the USA in 1907.
  • Done. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• ...before eventually... Is "eventually" necessary?
  • Removed. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• Her mother, meanwhile, was... Delete meanwhile.
  • Done. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• She had two siblings: Arthur Masao, an older brother, and Peter Minoru, her twin. I would delete the sentence.
  • Done. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• She was raised Christian... Do we know the denomination?
  • That's a bit complicated. She attended an Episcopal church with her parents, but attended a Christian Science Church and a Presbyterian Church of her own volition. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• ... in some aspects of Christianity...criticized aspects of the religion... Rephrase to avoid repetition. I think the sentence could be shortened radically.
  • Shortened a little and split. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• Which high school did she attend?
  • San Pedro High School apparently. Updated to include. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• ...the Kochiyama's family's...the discovery photographs... Rephrase.
  • Fixed. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• Soon after, the Kochiyama's family's home was ransacked and Kochiyama's father was detained by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and taken to the Terminal Island federal penitentiary due to his friendship with prominent Japanese figures, including Ambassador Kichisaburō Nomura, and the discovery photographs of Japanese naval ships in the Kochiyama family home. Split the sentence at least into two.
  • Tried splitting it. Honestly, not really satisfied with it, but if you have any suggestions, let me know. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• In accordance with Executive Order 9066... Shorten to "the executive order/Roosevelt's order/the order..."
  • Done. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• ...a letter-writing campaign to Nisei soldiers... Some explanation and a link?
  • Sorry, of which aspect? Of the letter-writing campaign? Of the word "Nisei"? Of the Nisei soldiers? Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• After seven months at the Santa Anita Assembly Center, the family was then sent to the Jerome War Relocation Center in Arkansas, where they lived for the next two years. Shorten.
  • Tried. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
• Explain and link USO when it is first mentioned in the main text. Borsoka (talk) 15:39, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
  • Done. Spookyaki (talk) 16:38, 4 December 2024 (UTC)