Talk:The Sufferer & the Witness/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: CelestialWeevil (talk · contribs) 17:06, 19 July 2018 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

• You may want to add a year tag to the mention of Siren Song of the Counter Culture in the second paragraph, as per here. This is really minor, though, so I leave it to your discretion. By the way, this is as good a place as any to say that this is my first good article review, so don't take anything I suggest as absolutely required.
• "and charted in seven countries, including number ten on the Billboard 200." The wording here is strange to me. The parts don't mesh perfectly. Here are some ideas: "and charted in seven countries, including the US where it entered at position ten on the Billboard 200."
• "Reviewers also highlighted the vocals of lead vocalist Tim McIlrath, and the production of Stevenson and Livermore." There are two things here. I don't think the comma is necessary since "and the production of Stevenson and Livermore" isn't a sentence unto itself. Second and less important is the repeat of "vocal" in the first part. I doubt this is a rule or in the manual of style, but I thought I would point it out in case you want to replace repeated words.
• "All three songs charted on the Modern Rock Tracks chart in the United States, and accompanying music videos were produced for the three songs". The repetition of "three songs" at the beginning and ending of the sentence seems redundant.
• "During the tour, guitarist Chris Chasse left the band, and was replaced by Zach Blair." Another unnecessary comma before "and", I think.

Background and production

• Throughout this article, "band" and other collectives should either all be singular or all be plural (probably singular since Rise Against is American). Currently, it's inconsistent. In the first sentence, "Rise against released their..." it's plural, and later, "the band was not..." it's singular.

• "denoting shipments of 500,000 copies." I think "shipment" is better than "shipments", but I'm not sure.

• "success was largely due in part to", was it "largely due to" or "due in part to"? They clash a little.

• "the band reconvened, and began work..." unnecessary comma

• The first sentence of paragraph two probably needs a citation.

• "heavier sounding" should be "heavier-sounding"

• "previous unadulterated material". I get that this is technically correct, but I think it's an odd usage, kind of hurts readability for me. I would change "unadulterated" to "raw" or something like that. Again, not necessary, though.

• "When it came time to record their next album, the band decided..." I think it would be better to name The Sufferer & the Witness here instead of "next album." When I first read this, I assumed it meant the album after the one we're talking about, since Sufferer had previously been named in the paragraph above.

• "three-week period in which to write..." I think this is better without "in which".

Composition

• "Rise against sought to return to their punk roots," another plural instance. Three solutions: "Rise Against's members sought..." or "Rise Against sought to return to its..." or make every instance plural, though that would be a little out of character for American English.

• "Corey Apar of AllMusic wrote..." There should be a comma after "wrote" and before the quote.

• "begins with marching drum beat..." Shouldn't this be "a marching drum beat"?

• "and is played at a frenetic pace with hardcore influences." It's played with hardcore influences? I guess so, but it reads strange.

• "rapid paced" is used three times in the section. The first time, it's hyphenated, the second time, it isn't, the third time, it is. I think it's used too much, and it should be consistently punctuated.

• "The lyrics often discuss these topics in general terms however, instead of delving into the specifics." I would remove "however".

Release

• "This new date coincided with Independence Day in the United States, which McIlrath noted was purely coincidental." You can keep this in if you feel strongly about it, but it seems kind of trivial. I get that the album is political, though, so maybe it's fine.

• "number ten, and sold 48,327" unnecessary comma

• "2006, and was certified gold" another unnecessary comma

• "Canadian Albums Chart, and was" another

• "denoting shipments of 100,000 copies" another instance where I think "shipment" would be better

• These comma and shipment issues above can be applied throughout this section.

• These first two prose paragraphs on where it all charted seems too exhaustive, especially since the actual charts are listed below in their own section. I would remove all of these from the prose except the most important ones.

• "with Thursday which included the bands Circa Survive and Billy Talent" I would change "bands" to "opening acts" for greater clarity.

Reception

• "and described it" should be "and described it as" in the second sentence.

• "The two songs with major stylistic deviations-"The Approaching Curve" and "Roadside"-were thoroughly discussed by critics." I would replace the hyphens with commas, but if you want to keep them you should replace them with —.

• "Davey Boy of Sputnikmusic felt that the minimal use of screaming vocals heightened their overall impact..." Boy and his publication have already been introduced.

• "undermined the political lyrics more than accentuate them" should be "accentuated" with a D

Track listing

• Could you show me where track 1 has "Intro/" in the title? I've been looking at various pictures of the liner notes, and all I see lists it just as "Chamber the Cartridge".
• On the last sublist, is that release for a tour called "Australian Tour"? If not, you may want to uncapitalize "tour".

Personnel

• Please change the "-" to "–" on Andrea French's entry.
• Couldn't find any manual of style rule about this, but I perused ten random featured album articles and none of them capitalized the credited parts for the personnel.
• Please change instances of "producer" to "production", "engineer" to "engineering", and "mixer" to "mixing".

References

• As per Help:Citation Style 1#Titles and chapters, please use either title or sentence case consistently. Reference 2's title is in sentence case, 3's is a mix, 5's is sentence case, 8's has articles capitalized (I know this is how it is on the source website, but the citation style link also stipulates that "Wikipedia does not attempt to emulate any stylistic flourishes"), 11's is sentence case, 18's is sentence case, 19's has articles capitalized, 21's has articles capitalized, 39's has articles capitalized, 40's is sentence case, 41's is sentence case, 42's is sentence case,
• You may want to use Template:Cite interview for reference 6. You could also include a subjectlink to Tim McIlrath.
• Normally I see "–" used instead of "-" on review references. I couldn't find a style rule for this, but I thought I would point it out regardless. The hyphenation occurs on references 1, 8, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 31, 32, 46, 51, 52, 54, and 56.

End comments

This is certainly good article material once the issues above are addressed.

1. Well-written: Mostly
2. Verifiable with no original research: Very good
3. Broad in its coverage: Everything seems to be covered, though maybe there could be a little more on the touring aspect
4. Neutral: Absolutely
5. Stable: Yes
6. Illustrated: Yes

After my points are responded to / fixed / explained, this will be a promotion. Good work! CelestialWeevil ^(talk) 17:05, 23 July 2018 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! I’ll try to fix these issues by tonight. Famous Hobo (talk) 17:19, 23 July 2018 (UTC)

You've addressed the main things I had, and the article looks good. Good job! CelestialWeevil ^(talk) 23:13, 27 July 2018 (UTC)