Talk:Loud Tour Live at the O2/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Et3rnal (talk · contribs) 20:35, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

Lead

• "The DVD and Blu-ray Disc release features" → "The DVD and Blu-ray Disc releases feature".

• "including the encore and features songs" – remove 's' on feature.

• "The tour was described as an..." – you should say who made that statement.
  •  Done — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

Background

• "Rihanna addressed rumors about a special performance to be included on the setlist..." – This sentence and the following one aren't expanded, and so seem a bit redundant. Could you possibly expand them?
  • Completely re-arranged it and expanded it. — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

Release

• "Apart of North America" – I'm not sure what this means.
  • Well, she did shows in North America, however, also in Europe and etc... — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
    • I've changed it a bit to reflect this, as I think the previous version sounded a bit weird.

• "Via her official Twitter account, she announced that she is to film" – should be past tense.

• "on her official YouTube channel, December 6, 2012" – add 'on' before 'December 6, 2012'.
  •  Done — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

Concert synopsis

• "Scenes are intercuted" → "Scenes are intercut".

• "while wearing blue electric dress" → "while wearing a blue electric dress"

• "a car is present on the scenes and Rihanna climbs to its top while performs" → "a car is present during the scene, to which Rihanna climbs to its top while performing"

• All the 'intercuted' should be changed to 'intercut'.

• "Rihanna heading to her show with a metro" → "Rihanna heading to her show within a metro".

• "name of the cities in which they perform" → "name of the cities in which they performed".

• "After the performances, scenes of Rihanna and her team choosing the artwork for Talk That Talk covers and prepares for her appearance on Ellen DeGeneres Show" → "After the performances, scenes of Rihanna and her team are shown choosing the artwork for Talk That Talk, as well as Rihanna preparing for her appearance on Ellen DeGeneres Show".

• "the singer is back on the stage wearing yellow dress and performs "Unfaithful" on a platform" – "the singer is back on the stage wearing a yellow dress, performing "Unfaithful" on a platform".

• "Scenes of Rihanna having fun with her fans are and making a birthday party for her manager Jay Brown are shown" – remove the first 'are' and replace the second one with 'is'.

• "they are traveling" – 'travelling'.
  • My online grammar spotcheck says that "traveling" is right and not "travelling" — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
    • I just checked, and both spellings are correct. No point in changing it.

• "She is arguing with the tour director how the set should be like, because she wants to add "We Found Love" to i" – replaced 'be like' with 'arranged' and at 'it' at the end.

• "Loud Tour Live at the O2 finishes with Rihanna performing "We Found Love" as final song". – add 'the' before 'final'.

 Done — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

Commercial performance

• "The following week stayed on the same position" – add 'it' before 'stay'.

 Done — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

• You should move the sentence at the bottom to the top for better accessibility.

 Done — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

References

• 10.Rap-Up's publisher is 'Rap-Up, LLC'.

• 12.Consequence of Sound is self-published.

• 13.Digital Spy's publisher is 'Hearst Magazines UK'.

• 34.'Prometheus Global Media' should be linked.

 Done — Tomíca^(T2ME) 22:23, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

No major issues, in general looks fine. Will put on hold. Et3rnal 21:29, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

Looks splendid, passing. Et3rnal 13:36, 19 June 2013 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.