Talk:Final Destination 2/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ankitbhatt (talk · contribs) 06:07, 20 June 2012 (UTC)

I'm rather hard pressed for time right now, so I'll just leave one comment which was a very obvious problem: in the Accolades section, there is a huge number of references lined up for the "Best Action Sequence" bit. That makes it an obvious WP:QUOTEFARM. It should be rectified. I'll give a more detailed review later on. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 06:10, 20 June 2012 (UTC)

How about now? Do I really need to delete most of the references? FDJoshua22 (talk) 10:47, 26 June 2012 (UTC)

This is perfect. Good job. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 12:07, 26 June 2012 (UTC)

Oops! I never knew you replied that fast. Now that I'm watching this review, I'll be more punctual next time. Tomorrow Friday is my free day but I think I could start off today by fixing minimal touches. What's next? FDJoshua22 (talk) 12:29, 28 June 2012 (UTC)

What's next? I'm free. FDJoshua22 (talk) 15:06, 29 June 2012 (UTC)

First set of comments

• "Since the original film's crew were unavailable," "Crew" is a singular word, hence it should be "was", not "were".

• "but is stalked by Death afterwards by claiming back their lives which should have been lost in the highway." "By" seems to be an incorrect connector used here. Re-wording?

• If any content in the lead is repeated (and cited) in the main body, then adding references in the lead is not necessary.

• When you talk about box office, 1) You should ideally place the figures after the review bits in the lead, and before the Awards. 2) Stating the opening weekend is not very useful; it would be much better if you talked about American and overseas figures.

• In addition, you could expand the last two paragraphs of the lead a bit.

• "Aghast, she stalls her car and blocks ... from entering the highway." "blocks" would be better replaced by "prevents".

• "Desperate of help" Of? It should be "for".

• You should mention that Clear Rivers is the only remaining survivor of the Flight 180 incident.

• "Though she initially turns down Kimberly and invites her for isolation," Please re-word, its grammatically incorrect. I'd suggest "Though Rivers initially refuses to help and invites Kimberly to share her isolation,"

• Wikilink mortician.

• "Bludworth claims the equilibrium of Death and "new life"" Uh, claims? It should be "explains". I'm now beginning to think that this article is in need of a copy-edit.

• "implying their salvation upon Isabella's unborn son." I guess you mean "implying their salvation upon the birth of Isabella's unborn son."

• "Isabella is taken into custody whereas the other survivors reunite for safety." First, "whereas" would be better replaced by "while". Second, you say "reunite" but have never talked about any unification before. Hence, "unite" and not "reunite".

• "Overcomed by grief" Huh? Overcomed? Its "overcome". Now I am really starting to worry about the copy-editing.

• "Eugene attempts suicide yet fails," "Yet" is better replaced by "but".

• "En route, they discover that their existence lied on the fates of Flight 180's survivors." Lied? My my, what grammar. It should be "lay".

• "As Isabella holds labor," What? What in the name of God is holding labor? It should be "As Isabella goes into labor". This is not good.

• "plummeting them onto a farm." Oh God. Pray tell me how one can "plummet" into a farm? It should be "crashed".

• "Kimberly has another vision of a van submergence" Van submergence is incorrect, it should be "submerging van".

• "denoting their trial is still at large." Missing "that".

• "subsequently detonating his room from oxygen combustion." You make it sound like she did it on purpose, which she didn't (I have seen the film). Re-wording please.

• "Afterwards, Thomas and Kimberly have picnic" Missing "a".

• "Learning Brian's deterrence from Death before" Missing "of".

• "Smithereens" is not encyclopedic, please replace.

As of now, that's it, though the state of the Plot section is not giving me good vibes about the rest of the article. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 17:04, 29 June 2012 (UTC)

Well, I followed what you stated and I do apologize for the wrong grammar since I'm not proficient in English and I'm still a teenager. Nonetheless, any more corrections? FDJoshua22 (talk) 06:21, 30 June 2012 (UTC)

This is just the first set. There may be lots more. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 11:56, 30 June 2012 (UTC)

I deeply apologize for the long break. Here's more :-

• "Learning Brian's deterrence from Death before" Missing "of".

• "Unfortunately, Wong and Morgan weren't available for production since they already signed on their respective projects" Missing "had".

• "but I watched [Final Destination]" Italicize Final Destination.

• "was casted as Thomas Burke" Was cast.

• "Perry was astonished of how Carson" – "Perry was astonished by how Carson".

• The third paragraph of the Casting section needs to be split into two.

• "Likewise the first film, the film was shot in" Change the second "the film" to Final Destination 2.

• "Digital Dimension took charge over the visual effects" Over -> of.

• "however CG blood was also shown" However, -> but.

• "Alike its predecessor, no official album" Alike -> like.

• "two music videos embed in its subsequent home release." Embed -> embedded.

• You should remove the photo from the soundtrack infobox, its too similar to the film poster.

• "earning $16,017,141 on its opening weekend" On -> in. Same for "Final Destination 2 placed at #2 in the United States box office on its opening weekend", "The film dropped to #5 on the next weekend", "descended to #7 on its third weekend ", "The film was removed from the top-ten list on its fourth weekend", "in 42 theaters on its sixteenth weekend".

• "The film was removed from the top-ten list" How can you remove a film from the Top-10 Box Office list? It should be "the film dropped out of the top-ten list".

• "The previous film received $53,302,314 domestically throughout its 22-week run, a $64 million increase than its sequel's gross" I beg your pardon? How can the first film have a 64 million dollar increase over the sequel? You must have messed up the numbers.

• "Claudia Puig of USA Today carped how" Firstly, missing "on". Second, "carped" is rather poor choice, please re-word.

• "there is an audience for a movie in which innocent people suffer hideous accidental deaths is troubling enough" There should be a "that" in the beginning.

• "Carson, Cherry, Cook, Landes, Larter, and Todd were prominent amid the analysis" amid -> amidst.

• You have written a paragraph about the highway scene in the Critical reception section, but it would be much better suited to the accolades section as a merge with the last paragraph.

Otherwise, this article seems fine. A final reference overview will be needed, hopefully today. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 09:20, 8 July 2012 (UTC)

Done. I apologize for my late compliance. I'll respond right away for your subsequent reviews. --FDJoshua22 (talk) 08:44, 14 July 2012 (UTC)

Ankitbhatt seems to have disappeared, but since those were the final comments and they were resolved, I'll pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 16:02, 10 August 2012 (UTC)

Finally! Thanks! -- FDJoshua22 (talk) 17:24, 10 August 2012 (UTC)