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Draft:Soulmate Believers

Overview

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Soulmate is a word that has many similar spiritual meanings

Are soulmates a connection written for us in the stars or is it simply a comforting idea?

Definition of a ‘Soulmate’

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Soulmate is a word that has many similar spiritual meanings: a spiritual bond an individual feels with the 'right' person which brings them together [1], finding the same person across every new life you get and spending the rest of those lives with them [2], or an unexplainable and profound connection with another individual that feels different beyond any reasonable explanation or logic [3].

Definition of a ‘Believer’

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The word believer has as many definitions and meanings as the word soulmate. This is because there are different types of believers.

Some believers are those individuals who hold faith in the existence of god or gods [4]. For example, Christians hold a belief in Jesus [5], Buddhists hold a belief in Buddha [6], and the soulmate believers hold a belief of their own.

Soulmate Believers

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Soulmate Believers are people who believe in the ability to connect with one another despite the billions of other people in the world [7]. Soulmate Believers hold a belief that pairs of individuals who identify as 'soulmates' are destined to be together [8].

Can soulmate believers be considered as mystic? Does it depend on an ethnical background whether an individual is a soulmate believer or not? Does it depend on culture whether soulmates even exist or not?

This article will answer previous questions, and give a closer view and perspective on what exactly a soulmate is and who is a believer. It will also explore various types of soulmate believers [9], give their perspectives, and the underlying reasons for their beliefs.

Historical and Cultural Context

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Origin of the Soulmate Concept

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The concept of “Soulmates” comes from ancient Philosophy, particularly from Plato’s Symposium on the Ethics of Desire [10]. However, it varies between religions and develops over time. According to Sheffield (2006) [11] and his explanation of Plato's Symposium, we were once whole individuals but got separated by gods; the reason we look for soulmates and love is to return the unity we once had, to feel like a whole again. The myth of Greek Gods and finding the 'completeness' by arguing that humans searching for their 'other half' trace back to the myth where Zeus divided humans into two halves as a punishment is confirmed by Brooksby (2006) [12]. Thus, the reason we look for soulmates is actually our 'human desire' to find that missing piece of us, to feel that completeness [13], which makes our searching desire physical or a desire for happiness, depending on one's intentions [14].

If there is a soulmate in each new life, the soul of the one people used to be with in each new life, then there must be something that helps those souls to be reborn [15]. A better word and explanation for it is ‘Reincarnation’.

Reincarnation is considered a fundamental concept in religious mysticism [16]. Chen and Patel (2021) highlighted in their article about 'Spiritual Experiences in Soulmate Relationships' that mysticism in itself has mostly been analysed on an individual scale and commonly within the framework of a cultural tradition [17]. This leads back to the question, ‘Can soulmate believers be considered mystics?'. The belief in reincarnation has been prevalent in certain religions and cultures for thousands of years, such as Hinduism or Buddhism, which often link reincarnation to soulmates or karmic relationships [18]. Thus, we can all argue that the belief in soulmates can be dependent on other factors rather than only mysticism.

Evolution over time

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Over time, relationships and methods to choose a partner, such as dating websites or blind dates, have changed quite a bit. According to Kauppi (2023) [19], most people are easily fooled during the beginning stages of dating: instead of thinking about themselves and whether they like their date, the thinking process focuses on how to make their date like them. This may be one of the main reasons people end up with the wrong choices of their partners, which leads to separation: people still lose an opportunity to analyse who might be a good fit for them because they try to fix themselves [20].

Even though the concept of a ‘soulmate’, of a perfect second half, started being discussed in the 1930s [21], nowadays, individuals, especially young adults, use the term ‘soulmate’ much more and believe in it strongly. It is very popular these days to wait for ‘the one’ to appear out of nowhere, like by a miracle, helping young individuals avoid important decisions, postpone marriage and commitment if anything goes wrong, and void marriage instability after the wedding [22]. This then leads back to those who believe in soulmates, the soulmate believers, who believe that a perfect partner will appear by magic. Those believers then can be divided into different categories.

Types of Soulmate Believers

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Some types of soulmates include Romantic soulmates (A love of our life), Karmic Soulmates (A trigger for significant life changes) or Twin Flame Soulmates (Sharing the same soul with our mirror opposite)

The Editorial Team (2024) [23] of Marriage.com has written an article on different types of soulmate believers. The article was further reviewed and supported by a Licensed Mental Health Counsellor, Grady Shumway [1]. In their article, the Editorial Team (2024) [24] of the magazine Marriage.com names 12 common types of soulmates, some of them include Romantic soulmates (A love of our life [25]), Karmic Soulmates (A trigger for significant life changes [26]) or Twin Flame Soulmates (Sharing the same soul with our mirror opposite [27]).

On the other hand, Boyce (2001) [28], in her research, analysed different concepts of soulmates rather than soulmate believers. She argued that there are four main different conditions that can be called soulmates: Romantic Soulmate (RS), Romantic Partner Non-Soulmate (RN), Friend Soulmate (FS), and Friend Non-Soulmate (FN) [29]. Researchers characterised romantic soulmates as people in deeply passionate relationships with the foundation of sexual attraction [30]. A Romantic Partner Non-Soulmate is someone an individual is in a relationship with but is not ‘the perfect half’ an individual is looking for. Friend Soulmate means identifying a shared spirit with someone and creating a strong emotional bond with them [31]. Last but not least, a Friend Non-Soulmate is someone each one of us has – a person we consider a classmate, an acquaintance, or a friend of a friend of a friend. These are the main differences between soulmates, according to Boyce (2001) [32].

Reasons behind these beliefs

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Beliefs in soulmates are a complex interplay of mostly psychological and cultural factors, influenced by both individual and society’s factors.

Psychological Factors

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While there is no scientific evidence to support the existence of soulmates, the psychological appear of the belief is undeniable. The psychological factors usually contribute to psychological needs for deep connection and personal fulfilment [33]. Some of those factors contributing to the strong belief in soulmates include the ‘Soulmate Theory’ and ‘Attachment theory’. According to Reznik et al. (2016) [34] and their explanation of the “Soulmate Theory”, which identifies a belief that the right partner can guarantee relational success [35], individuals who embrace that theory and that belief are more likely to prioritise emotional intimacy and personal growth within their relationship. The ‘Attachment Theory’, as well as the “Soulmate Theory”, is the concept that all the humans from infancy are predisposed to have a connection with another from birth, which then is supposed to play a great role on an individual’s psychological development [36]. To be precise, individuals with ‘Secure Attachment Style’, tend to form deep, trusting relationships [37], which becomes the reason they believe in soulmates.

Cultural Factors

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Cultural traditions, literature and media are as significant as psychological factors when it comes to beliefs in soulmates. For example, a concept of a ‘soulmate’ in Hinduism comes from a manifestation for the desire of companionship [38]. Love plays a very important role in Hinduism as it comes, according to (McDaniel, 2022) [39] in two forms: kama (selfish love) and prema (altruistic love centered around God). However, in Buddhism there is no specific concept as a soulmate on its own as it often intersects with spiritual themes like karma, reincarnation (as previously mentioned), and personal growth rather than actual romance [40]. Even though actual romance and soulmates do not intersect in Buddhism, the concept of love is considered important as it acts as a tool or mean to achieve salvation [41]. The findings about both cultures then show the contrast between them and illustrate how cultural and religious contexts influence the interpretation of the soulmates.

Counterarguments and Alternative Perspectives

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As previously mentioned, there is no specific scientific evidence for the existence of soulmates, which gives skeptics a reason to criticise the idea of soulmate believers. From a skeptical perspective, the concept of soulmates can be criticised due to it being mostly based on myths and socially constructed ideas [42]. Some sceptics, such as Neiman (2021) [43], even call love absurd. He argued that human beings originally had their second half, they had four legs, four arms and two faces, so love is basically trying to call all of our nature parts together, not to find another half [44].

Even though previous research indicates that belief in soulmates, for some individuals, leads to deeper satisfaction and commitment in relationships, there is no empirical evidence of the existence of soulmates. In her article, reviewed by a Doctor of Psychology Lori Lawrenz [2], Fletcher (2023) [45] argued that individuals require from birth to connect and build relationships during all their lives, which also is scientifically proven. This then may confuse those who believe in soulmates as ‘How will they find love then?’.

Realistically, soulmate believers hold their belief about something that they actually find important. But when it comes to comparing beliefs in soulmates to actual stronger beliefs and theories, such as ‘Attachment theory’ (Schneider, 1991) [46], the empirical evidence shows how the ‘Attachment theory’ is a pure scientific explanation to people having relationships, bonds, and closeness (McLeod, 2024) [47].

Summary

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Overall, the concept of soulmates remains a compelling, yet a debating topic, even though it has a deeply cultural, psychological, and philosophical context. From the ancient ideas of Plato on the Ethics of Desire (Sheffield, 2006) [48], to modern psychological theories, the idea of a ‘perfect second half’ has captured many individuals all around the world.

While for soulmate believers the idea of a perfect bond brings comfort and deep meanings, skeptics argue that the concept of a soulmate lacks empirical evidence due to it basing on myths and cultural constructs.

Lastly, beliefs in soulmates reflect broader human desires for connection, fulfillment, and understanding in relationships. Whether viewed from spiritual, cultural, or psychological perspectives, the idea and concept of soulmates continues to evolve, resonating differently across individuals and societies. It serves as a reminder of the diverse ways people seek and interpret love, connection, and purpose in their lives.

References

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  1. ^ Leslie, B., & Morgan, M. (2009). Soulmates, compatibility and intimacy: Allied discursive resources in the struggle for relationship satisfaction in the new millennium. New Ideas in Psychology, 29(1), 10–23. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.newideapsych.2009.11.001
  2. ^ Connell, G. (2012). Soulmates: A Phenomenological Study of Women Who Believe They Knew their Romantic Partner in a Previous Lifetime - ProQuest. https://www.proquest.com/docview/1013442452?pq-origsite=gscholar&fromopenview=true&sourcetype=Dissertations%20&%20Theses
  3. ^ Boyce, J. A.-M. (2001). In search of a soulmate: Variables that characterize soulmate *relationships. ProQuest. https://www.proquest.com/docview/251717300?%20Theses&fromopenview=true&pq-origsite=gscholar&sourcetype=Dissertations%20
  4. ^ Harrison, G. P. (2023). Here’s an easy way to improve communication between believers and nonbelievers. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/about-thinking/202306/untangling-the-meaning-of-atheist-agnostic-and-believer
  5. ^ Shellenberg, J. B. (2021). The Person of Jesus Christ: The Essentiality of His Nature within Christianity. In The American Journal of Biblical Theology (Issue 18). https://biblicaltheology.com/Research/SchellenbergJB05.pdf
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  8. ^ Gordon, A. M., PhD. (2021). The idea of soul mates is great—the reality, maybe not so much. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/between-you-and-me/202103/do-you-believe-in-soul-mates
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  22. ^ Brooksby, A. (2020). Soul mates: found or chosen? Family Perspectives, 1(2), 6. https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/familyperspectives/vol1/iss2/6
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