Wikipedia:Peer review/Viren/archive1

Viren

I've listed this article for peer review because I want to turn it into a GA one day. The article has received a copyedit, but could use an additional look into its "Development" and "Reception" sections and if / how they can be improved. More importantly, the "Storylines" section needs to be trimmed down, so it'd be preferable if someone who hasn't viewed the show edits that section. See which parts truly are unnecessary.

PS. the previous peer review which I closed within the same day of creations as I realized an error I made is still listed. Ignore that.

Thank you. PanagiotisZois (talk) 18:36, 31 August 2020 (UTC)

Hey, I don't have too much to say, I just decided to skim over someone's article and help a bit:

• "Viren was one of the first two characters created for The Dragon Prince."

Who was the other? Maybe reword to "Viren was one of the first two characters created for The Dragon Prince, along with..."

• "Critics have often praised Viren's character and role and describe him as complex, and sympathetic."

Remove the comma after "complex", or reword to "complex, as well as sympathetic." Personally, the sentence comes off weirdly, and I'd reword to "Critics often praise Viren's character and role, describing him as complex and sympathetic."

• "The Daily Dot's Gavia Baker-Whitelaw, who described Viren's storyline as the best of every character's in the second season, called his relationship with Aaravos "intriguing"."

Baker-Whitelaw didn't explicitly say Viren has the best storyline, they said "...Viren, who probably gets the best storyline this season." Maybe try to reword the sentence around this?

• Aaron Ehasz is wikilinked multiple times; remember to only wikilink the first mention. Polygon isn't wikilinked the first mention, but it's wikilinked the second mention. Make sure to fix this.
• Italicize "IGN".
• In the last sentence of Reception, it says "Kain also took note of his relationship with Aaravos and its contribution to Viren's descent into villainy."

I know Erik Kain was mentioned previously, but readers might've forgotten who Kain is. Maybe re-mention him by his full name and state that he is of Forbes.

Other than extremely minor stuff, it seems really good!

—  Melofors  TC  23:11, 6 September 2020 (UTC)

@PanagiotisZois: Some more:

• "more round and interesting and provided better storytelling opportunities." → "more round and interesting, providing better storytelling opportunities."
• "compelling character and villain and praised the show for having its viewers question whether Viren's actions are justified or not." → "compelling character and villain, praising the show for having its viewers question whether Viren's actions are justified or not."
• Change "which" to "that" in "a cobra-like snake which can"
• Remove the comma in "Runaan recognizes the mirror, but refuses to reveal its nature."
• Typo: "apparation" → "apparition"
• Add a comma after "eyes" in "...changed Viren's eye color from purple to gray, as they have also given Rayla, an elf, purple eyes and wanted to avoid implying..."
• "believes that the only his role as a father" → "believes that his only role as a father"
• Change "of" → "to" in "more receptive of Viren's role"
• In "Overuse of dark magic seems to have a negative impact on Viren's body.", maybe change "have a negative impact" → "harm". Also does it "seem" to harm Viren, or does it actually harm him? This might be a weasel word.
• Change "which" → "that" in "At one point, he performs a spell which involves"

—  Melofors  TC  00:38, 7 September 2020 (UTC)

@Melofors: Alright, I believe I've made all the necessary changes. The one part I didn't is about how dark magic affects Viren. Indeed, as far as we know by the end of season 3, the only apparent impact is that it changes Viren's appearance. PanagiotisZois (talk) 12:51, 8 September 2020 (UTC)

@PanagiotisZois: Maybe change it from "Overuse of dark magic seems to have a negative impact on Viren's body" to "Overuse of dark magic has a negative impact on Viren's body". Also, try to peer review two others after nominating an article as reciprocity so people don't end up waiting too long. —  Melofors  TC  15:54, 8 September 2020 (UTC)