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Wikipedia:Peer review/Survivor Series (2004)/archive1

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Survivor Series (2004)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I would like for the article to be a professional wrestling Good Article. Any helpful feedback, would most be appreciated.

Thanks, Zenlax T C S 19:41, 28 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]


  • Well I would source the final paragraph in the introduction, the one about the existing feuds continuing. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 02:16, 30 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The secondary feud on the SmackDown! brand was between John "Bradshaw" Layfield (JBL) versus Booker T, with the two battling over JBL's WWE Championship., in this sentence you might want to rewrite the beginning because it sounds confusing, because you haven't stated a main feud on the SmackDown! brand yet, maybe like "The secondary feud was from the SmackDown! brand, between ......" –LAX 19:18, 30 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Overall it looks great, I would also consider adding the gross for the event and PPV buys. Which can be found probably at Pro Wrestling History.
  • I will comment further, later on.--~SRS~ 02:11, 30 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

More comments

  • On the October 25, 2004 edition of Raw, Evolution (Triple H, Ric Flair and Batista) were put in charge of Raw.-In this sentence, in charge of Raw could be confusing to an outside user, mayby a link to General Managers, or further explanation of what that means. This also goes for the paragraph that is in the aftermath section.
  • One of the primary matches on the undercard brand was between Team Guerrero (Eddie Guerrero, The Big Show, Rob Van Dam and John Cena) versus Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Carlito, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak).- In this sentence, what do you mean by "undercard brand"?, also a link to undercard would help.
  • On the November 11, 2004 edition of SmackDown!, Guerrero announced that John Cena, who was recovering from an "injury", would be joining his team at Survivor Series.-in the word injury, you linked it to kayfabe, however, an outside reader would not understand what is meant, mayby from a (kayfabe) injury, would read better. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 01:17, 2 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Again, consider the gross of USD for the event and PPV rating.

~SRS~ 20:38, 1 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from La Pianista (talk · contribs)

edit

It took me a while to poke holes in my schedule, sorry...and this PR is painfully cursory. :-)

  • I don't think song titles (e.g. "Ugly") should be italicized and quoted, due to WP:MOS protocol. I recommend it only be quoted instead, per my little handy grammar book at home. Zenlax T C S 19:17, 5 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Which caused the match between Edge and Benoit to end in a No Contest" is a fragment. Fuse it with the sentence preceding it, using a comma before "which." Zenlax T C S 19:21, 5 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The match saw Benjamin get up on the ring apron..." would better be rephrased as "During the match, Benjamin got up on the ring apron..." Other examples of such wordiness (I trust your judgment that you'll find the places) could be fixed to sound more direct. Active voice is preferable in an encyclopedia. Zenlax T C S 19:40, 5 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Overall, I thought that this article could use less wrestling slang to appeal to a novice - but it's a good idea you bluelinked them to their respective articles. --LaPianísta! 16:27, 3 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the details concerning the article. Zenlax T C S 19:40, 5 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Earlier today I made about 20 really good/detailed suggestions for the article, but I guess I exited the page without saving them (!?), so to make up for it, I'll give the article a really good copy edit. Pay attention to the changes I make, though, so you don't make the same mistakes again. Nikki311 01:33, 19 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The biggest problem is wordiness. Don't use 15 words to say something you can say in 5. Nikki311 04:26, 19 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Nikki for the stuff you did for the article and your examples will be used for in the future. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 00:01, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The first paragraph in the Background and Aftermath sections are long, and should be broken down into two or more paragraphs or shortened. --13 of Diamonds (talk) 02:18, 26 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Well, I did remove some info. from the Aftermath part, but the Background section I can't seem to "cut", since it seems relevant to include what's there. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 20:53, 26 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Then try to split it up for readability. --13 of Diamonds (talk) 22:07, 26 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I've done my share, I still don't know if it helps. Zenlax T C S 19:36, 27 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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