Wikipedia:Peer review/Robert Abbott (game designer)/archive1

Robert Abbott (game designer)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I have spewed out everything that I can for the moment into this article, so at this point, I think that getting it reviewed would be a good thing to do. I am aiming to get it to FA, hopefully by early February, so getting feedback about how I am doing in that respect would be great.

~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 03:39, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

{{doing}} Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 16:36, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by David Fuchs

For File:Robert Abbott.jpg, you really need to verify that the uploader actually was the author and had copyrights to release for the photo. I would try contacting Abbott and forwarding confirmation through WP:OTRS.
- Working on it. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 06:51, 8 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The lead should be at least two paragraphs; on brief glance, you could probably just split what's there and have the first paragraph focus on his life and then the next on impact/collections.
- Done, by this wonderful user. One of us will make it better later. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 02:04, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"He began to invent games at the age of fourteen. He attended St. Louis Country Day School. " These two sentences together just don't work as they don't seem very related. Maybe stick the bit about inventing games later when you start discussing his work.
- Done. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
File:Traffic Maze.png - how do you know the copyright for this work was not renewed?
- See below. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The prose needs to be worked through, especially for reducing repetition, e.g., "A logic maze is a maze that has rules, ranging from basic rules such as "You cannot make left turns," to extremely complicated rules. These mazes are also called "Multi-State mazes"."
- Well, I fixed that one, at least. :) I shall have someone copyedit it; lately, I haven't been as good at catching that kind of stuff. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 02:04, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Publications need to be uniformly italicized (you're missing a few).
- I'm sorry, but I didn't see any after looking through it. Could you point out where some are? ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 02:04, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  - For example, under "Biography" Scientific American and Traffic Maze in Floyd's Knob are not italicized as they are later on. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 15:28, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    - Wow, how did I miss that? I looked through again, and didn't catch any more, so... I think it's fine now. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 18:07, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Some of the things I feel need citations:
- "Where are the Cows? is one of Abbott's most difficult and popular mazes."
  - Done. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- The last paragraph of "Logic Mazes".
  - Done. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- "Since then, several different versions of it have appeared, made by others, following the same theme, both on paper and in electronic forms."
  - Done. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- "As a whole, his games are not of particular fame, although they have some unique elements that set them apart from mainstream games. For instance, the card game Metamorphosis is a complex trick-taking game. As you play the game, the rules change four times, so it is as if you are playing four different games that are threaded together."
  - Done. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- "In 1968, the publisher Funk & Wagnalls published a paperback edition of Abbott's New Card Games. In this edition, Abbott slightly modified the rules of Baroque chess, but the changes never became popular. Around the same time that Abbott's New Card Games was published, Abbott sent in his maze, Traffic Maze in Floyd's Knob, to Martin Gardner. This was the first logic maze to be published, in Scientific American."
- Done. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- On that score, I think this could really use more citations independent of Abbott. His own words are well and good, but to establish his notability you really need more third-party sources.
  - I'm trying. :) Not too many, but I have found a few that I'm still working on putting in. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
There to me seems like there's a bit too much on the games. It's about the person, not the rules and minutiae of the individual gametypes.
- Yes, I agree, now that I look at it. What would you suggest taking out? ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  - It's hard to say, partly because I think it's more a lack of info about the person rather than too much info about the games; if you had more content about his life, it might not feel unbalanced as it does now. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 15:28, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    - I've been contacting him; I'll see if there is anything he knows about that has to do with his later life. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 18:07, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
There's no more on his later life? Is he married? Where does he live now?
- Working on it. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 17:44, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

P.S., I don't watchlist these reviews, so if you want my continued feedback ping me on my talk. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 22:59, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Regarding the traffic maze pic, Hi878 asked me to look up its copyright status, and I searched through the official catalog, but did not find it. Therefore, its copyright was not renewed within the allotted 28 years after publication and is now PD. /ƒETCH COMMS / 00:20, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you. :) ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 00:29, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  - In regards to sources, I'll look through my online archives and see if anything pops up. Send me an email and I'll reply back with whatever I find. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 15:28, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    - There are two things in the New York Times; I'll get those in at some point. E-mail sent. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 18:07, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      - I haven't had a chance to peruse my archives yet—I'll try to get to it during my coming break. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 23:28, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        Alrighty. Thank you. :) ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 23:47, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        
        By the way, would it be possible for you to rate the article? Just because I don't trust my judgement (obviously), and I would think that you are at least somewhat familiar with the article now. ~~ Hi878 ^{(Come shout at me!)} 22:49, 21 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]