Wikipedia:Peer review/Personal relationships of Michael Jackson/archive1

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it has the potential to become a GA and, if I dare risk sending such a controversial subject to FAC, an FA. A peer review is definitely needed first, however, to iron out any problems this article may have. Thanks, Pyrrhus16 15:44, 14 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I think this is probably pretty close to GA, but would have some issues before it could pass FAC (contoversy aside). I also have some general questions on the name of the article, and the rules for inclusion. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

  • The other concern I have is that there seems to be less material in the article on the whole sharing his bed with kids (especially boys) issue. If there is a large section on women with whom he had no or next to no physical contact with (Brooke Shields and Tatum ONeal), I can see someone arguing that there should be more on the children with whom he himself said he slept.
  • I've added a bit about him sharing his bed into the allegations section.
  • I also wonder about not including the allegations that Jackson was not the biological father of some or all or his children.
  • Added into the Debbie Rowe aftermath section.
  • No dabs or dead links, very nice alt text. I wonder if contactmusic.com is a WP:RS? Or NME?
  • Will look into/replace.
  • The ISBN here is wrong (copied from the previous book in the article): Taraborrelli, J. Randy (2004). The Magic and the Madness. Headline. ISBN 097497790X.
  • Fixed.
  • In the Diane Sawyer interview, didn't Lisa Marie explicitly say they had sex? Shouldn't that be in the article?
  • Added.
  • I thought it was pretty well done otherwise, but noticed a number of slightly awkward places that would benefit from a copyedit. A few examples follow:
    • Once Presley had left the building, she returned to Los Angeles, from where she had come.
    • "The female"??? in The female then proceeded to unbutton her blouse, ...
    • To the father's disapproval and concern, the musician and the boy had become friends in May 1992.
    • Mother Katherine was a devout Jehovah's Witness and conveyed her thoughts clear[ly]; lust in thought or deed was sinful and physical intimacy should be saved for marriage.
  • Altered these.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 05:58, 26 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review. :) Pyrrhus16 16:27, 29 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 18:06, 4 December 2009 (UTC)
Removed those links. Thanks. Pyrrhus16 18:22, 9 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]