Wikipedia:Peer review/Live action role-playing game/archive1

Live action role-playing game

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'd really appreciate any feedback that will help the article become a successful featured article candidate. I think that the writing style, referencing, and completeness are all at the "good" stage but need work before featuring, and I'm not sure how to progress them so would love some input on those areas, as well as any other issues that jump out.

Cheers, Ryan Paddy (talk) 00:32, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Casliber

Lede looks promising - need to watch repetition, as the word 'character' is used 3 times in first two sentences. maybe try and change the last one if possible. Casliber (talk · contribs) 04:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Good point. Any thoughts on another way of saying "in character"? Ryan Paddy (talk) 05:19, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I've tried removing the second "character". Think it retains its meaning. Ryan Paddy (talk) 09:07, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I don't see anything much about venues or locations used - i.e. many are in woodland or forest reserves (?) What other specific locations? famous historical houses? Anyone lucky enough to play in a castle? (maybe in Europe only) Casliber (talk · contribs) 04:13, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I agree. There are currently a few mentions of venue but they are very general: "can involve elaborate venues", "may be played in a public or private area", "the environment is sometimes decorated to resemble the setting", as well as the photo of the custom-built medieval venue. Mentions of more specific venues could add flavour, so long as they're weighted appropriately. To my knowledge, larps are played in public reserves and forest, private houses and bars, camps, fields, halls... really, you can play them anywhere. And yes, a number of European larps are played in historical venues like castles, see "Treasure Trap, formed in 1982 at Peckforton Castle" for example. Ryan Paddy (talk) 05:19, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Prose in History section is a bit choppy. I might have a go bit later. Casliber (talk · contribs) 04:13, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the help. It's probably the weakest section in terms of prose. Ryan Paddy (talk) 05:19, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]