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Wikipedia:Peer review/Deccan Chargers in 2009/archive1

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Deccan Chargers in 2009

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I've listed this article for peer review because I hope to take it to FA status. I recently created this article from scratch and got this to GA status but need help from someone to see if there are any chances of improving the article before nominating it for the FA review. Thanks, Sa Ga Vaj 08:50, 30 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

  Done--DBigXrayᗙ 08:43, 2 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from MWright96
Images
  • It would be a good idea to include alt text for visually impaired persons per WP:ALT
Background
  • "and they also spent big on players during the auction" - a large amount of money
  • "The 2008 sponsor Jaypee Group withdrew its sponsorship owing to the poor performances by the team in the 2008 season." - change this sentence so it reads as Jaypee Group, who sponsored the team in 2008, withdrew its fuding owing to the team's poor performance in that season.
  • "to vibrant blue and a new logo displaying a more vibrant charging bull" - change the text in bold to vivid to avoid close reptition of the same word in the same sentence
  • "there has been the rising concern over the security arrangements for the" - there had been a growing concern
  • "announced that the IPL was to be held in the South Africa" - remove "the"
Player acquisition
  • "The IPL added performance clause to its player's contract which saw the players" - added a performance clause
  • "lose 20% of their match fee if they don't find a place" - did not
  • "The IPL also announced that the players' auction was shifted to February 6, 2009 while the month-long trading window would start on December 15, 2008." - the dates should be in the DD-MM-YYYY format
  • "following the spat between Afridi and then captain" - {{xt|quarrel]]; spat is informal
  • "The entire issue started when Afridi spoke to the Geo News," - to Geo News,
  • " and suggesting Gilchrist as the better choice while Laxman responded later by saying that Afridi had no team ethics" - and suggesting that Gilchrist as the better choice. Laxman later responded by saying that Afridl had no team ethics and reminding him of being the part of a collective failure and was unfortunate for blaming only the captain for it.
  • "and snapped local talent by signing" - obtained
Indian Premier League
  • "The Indian Premier League fixtures were announced on 24 March, 2009" - change to 24 March 2009 per MOS:DATESNO
  • "with the venue being shifted to ]]South Africa]]." - with all venues shifted to South Africa.
  • "to be advanced to the knockout stage and the final scheduled to be conducted in the Johannesburg on 24 May." - {{xt|advancing to the [[2009 Indian Premier League#Knockout stage|knockout stage and the final was scheduled to be held in Johannesburg on 24 May.}}
Group Stage
  • "On 22 April, the Deccan Chargers defeated the Royal Challengers Bangalore for their second consecutive win this season." - {{xt|The Deccan Chargers defeated by Royal Challengers Bangalore for the consecutive win of the season on 22 April.
  • "the Deccan Chargers continued their winning ways defeating the last year finalist, Chennai Super Kings." - the 2008 tournament winners
  • "But, Smith teamed with Suman as both scored 51 runs off three overs" - runs of 51 off three overs
  • "to progress the Royal Challengers' chase as the latter scoring 50 off 32 balls." - scored
  • "However, the target seemed too far the Royal Challengers" - appeared distant for
  • "Gilchrist started the chase for the Chargers in a positive way as he attacked Lakshmipathy Balaji" - positively
  • "Dhoni introduced Shadab Jakati who removed both the set batsmen and the removal of Suman" - eliminated to avoid close reptition of the same word
  • "Gilchrist provided quick start for the Chargers" - a quick start
  • "Hayden and Murali Vijay provided the good start for the Super Kings and Dhoni, who promoted himself to No.3," - a good start for the Super Kings and Dhoni, who promoted himself to No. 3,
  • "continued the momentum not allowing the bowlers to settle in the innings." - continued the momentum by stopping the bowlers to settle in the innings.
  • "Yusuf Pathan final assault on the Chargers bowlers" - Yusuf Pathan made a final assault on the Chargers bowlers
  • "as he reached his century in 17th over." - in the 17th over.
  • "The Chargers suffered the early set-back as they lost three wickets" - The Chargers suffered an early setback
  • "Suman came in and attacked right from the start as he attacked Irfan Pathan for a six." - Suman came in to attack Irfan Pathan right fron the start for a six.
  • "who returned to the squad following the Australian tour of UAE," - of the UAE,
  • "as Saurav Ganguly and Hodge couldn't keep the momentum going" - could not
  • "It was David Hussey in the end who started attacking the bowlers for the Knight Riders in the penultimate over" - {{xt|In the end, it was [[David Hussey}}
  • "On 13 May, the Deccan Chargers lost to the Delhi Daredevils by 13 runs." - The Deccan Chargers to the Delhi Daredevils by 13 runs on 13 May.
Semi-final
  • "Sehwag build the partnership with Dilshan" - built
Final
  • "The Chargers had a bad start as" - poor
  • "Gibbs build crucial partnerships" - built
  • "Singh and Harris kept their cool down" - informal; how about retained their composure?
Champions League Twenty20
  • "The Champions League Twenty20 fixtures were announced on 30 July, 2009 with the Deccan Chargers placed in the Group A along with the Trinidad and Tobago," - change the text in bold so it reads announced on 30 July 2009 with the Deccan Chargers placed in Group A along with the Trindad and Tobago national team,
  • "with the top-two teams to be advanced to the league stage." - with the top two teams advancing to the league stage.
  • Trindad & Tobado should have its acronyms in brackets in the section and not the one that follows
  • "Harris, later withdrew from the tournament as Abhinav Kumar replaced him in the squad." - {{xt|Harris subsequently withdrew from the tournamen and was replaced by [[Abhinav Kumar.}}
Group Stage
  • The T&T should be refered to as soely T&T
  • The Somerset should be mention as just Somerset after it is first mentioned in this sub-section
  • "With no Gibbs, Smith or Harris in the squad," - Withouth Gibbs, Smith and Harris
  • "they named Gilchrist, Symonds, Styris and Edwards as their four foreign players in the team." - as the team's four foreign players.
  • "But, Alfonso kept his cool and completed the chase for the Somerset." - retained his composure and completed the chase for Somerset.
  • "and Symonds direct-hit to remove Darren Ganga" - Symonds'
Reaction
  • "He had praise for the former captain, V. V. S. Laxman for being the team-man despite being dropped. He said," - He also praised the former captain, V. V. S. Laxman for being the team man despite being dropped from the squad, "
References
  • Reference 13's work should be worded as Indian Television, not Indian telivision
  • Reference 33 should have Press Trust of India included as the agency who provided the story
  • References 44, 49, 69 and 70 need to have Agence France-Presse as the agency who provided the respective stories
  • The Associated Press should be included as the agency in Reference 73

@MWright96: Thanks for a very long and informative review. Hope all the issues raised here were addressed. Thanks. Sa Ga Vaj 18:59, 9 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Giants2008
  • Background: Often reviewers will fail to understand content if there isn't enough context, and one sentence here is a good example of that. "and they also spent a large amount of money on players during the auction". What auction? Without any knowledge of the IPL, it's very hard to understand this. If there's an article on whatever auction this is referring to, this would be a great place to link to it; if not, a brief explanation would be helpful.
  • Deccan Chronicle should be italicized as a print publication.
  • Player acquisition: "by saying that Afridi had no team ethics and reminding him of being the part of a collective failure and was unfortunate for blaming only the captain for it." Very wordy, twisting sentence that needs some copy-editing to make it more understandable. Was he trying to say that Afridi was part of the reason for the poor season, along with the captain? I think so, but can't tell for sure because of this wording.
  • "Later, they improved their batting strength by acquiring the services of the another West-Indian". Second "the" is not helpful and should be removed. Also, is the hyphen normally used in West-Indian? I haven't seen it used in that way myself.
  • Indian Premier League: "with the final scheduled to be held in the Johannesburg on 24 May." Again, the second "the" should be removed (the one before Johannesburg).
  • Throughout these few subsections, almost all of the paragraphs start with "On XX month". This is a form of writing called proseline, and won't be good enough for the FA level. I suggest re-writing some of these paragraph beginnings to introduce some variety.
  • Group State: "However, the target seemed too far the Royal Challengers...". This needs "for" to be added after "far".
  • "However, Sachin Tendulkar teamed up with J. P. Duminy as they build a partnership of 84 runs in nine overs." "build" should be "built" instead.
  • "but Edwards dismissing the both ended the match for the Mumbai..." needs work. How about "but Edwards dismissed both to end the match"?
  • "as they defeated Chargers by 3 wickets." This needs "the" before Chargers.
  • Champions League Twenty20: "Harris, later withdrew from the tournament...". The comma isn't needed here.
  • "as the team's four foreign players in the team." The second "in the team" is redundant and can be removed without affecting the meaning of the sentence, making the writing a bit tighter.

Overall, I'd say this needs a strong copy-edit or two before being ready for FAC. These are just examples of issues with the prose throughout the article, which will be magnified at an FAC nomination. The featured article standards call for prose that is "engaging and of a professional standard", and this needs a lot of work to get there. Giants2008 (Talk) 21:32, 11 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Giants2008: Thanks for your review. Will try to make the changes accordingly. Atleast, this give me an idea on how much work need to be done on the article. Sa Ga Vaj 21:41, 11 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
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