- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I would appreciate a review and suggestions on what others may feel this article needs to get it to WP:FA status. I am not asking anyone to do the work as I will do that myself, but simply to give some suggestions to get it there.
Thanks, Canyouhearmenow 15:12, 1 November 2008 (UTC)
Comments by Ink Runner (talk · contribs)
I don't know if you want specific suggestions or general, so I'll try to do both...
- MoS-related issues
- "Nee= Mercer" should be "née [not capitalized, and with the acute accent] Mercer" (no equals sign)
Done - "...for the song, 'Drop that Rock'" No comma, since "Drop That Rock" is an essential element. Done
- I don't know if the last sentence in the lead section belongs there. Perhaps move it to the "Biography" or "Early life" section?
- The quotes (like those in the "Early life" section) shouldn't be italicized. Done
- "Nee= Mercer" should be "née [not capitalized, and with the acute accent] Mercer" (no equals sign)
- Sources and external links
- I don't think that Jump the Shark is a reliable source, since it appears to be a forum.
- Since IMDB also has user-generated content, I don't think it is considered a reliable source, either.
- Prose
- I haven't read through the whole thing, but I noticed a bit of wordiness. For example, "The creators of the television series Touched by an Angel filmed an episode entitled, 'Show Me the Way Home' based on Cook's life" could be streamlined as "The Touched by an Angel episode 'Show Me the Way Home' was based on Cook's life."
I don't know what kind of review you were exactly aiming for, but if you're fine with this, I'll add more comments later.
Prose review I'll just work on streamlining the prose for now; if another reviewer doesn't finish the job, I'll continue tomorrow (Saturday for me).
- "Cook was born in Pascagoula, Mississippi but after two years his family relocated to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida where he attended the prestigious Pine Crest School and later graduated from Boyd Anderson High School" -> "Cook was born in Pascagoula, Mississippi; after two years, his family moved to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, where he attended Pine Crest School and later graduated from Boyd Anderson High School." I'm pretty sure that "but" as a conjunction should be used with contrastive clauses/phrases (the two clauses in the first sentence aren't exactly contrasting.) Done
- "Cook began his musical career at the age of five with his family, The Cook Family Singers. His parents divorced in 1980, which brought an end to four generations of the musical group." -> "Cook began his musical career at age five, singing with his family's group, The Cook Family Singers. His parents divorced in 1980, after which the group disbanded." Done
- "In his early life while performing with his family, Cook suffered at the hands of a father with a severe drinking problem. His father would become very violent with David's mother and all of the children after becoming intoxicated. After many years of this abuse Cook developed many psychological problems that ended up following him through to his life as an adult." -> "Early in life, Cook was abused by his father, who had a severe drinking problem; when intoxicated, the father would become violent towards the family. After many years of abuse, Cook developed psychological problems that continued into his adulthood." Done
- "Cook developed a severe Dissociative disorder coupled with psychogenic amnesia. Cook recalls having periods of "missing time" but never really understood why it was happening. In 1990 the disorders finally came full front when Cook experienced what they thought was a full blown stroke while in Ft. Lauderdale and was rushed to Coral Springs Medical Hospital." -> "Cook developed a severe dissociative disorder and psychogenic amnesia. He recalled having periods of "missing time" but never really understood the cause. In 1990, doctors finally diagnosed the disorders after Cook experienced what they thought was a severe stroke and was rushed to the Coral Springs Medical Hospital in Ft. Lauderdale." Done
- "Cook's story has been told on many occasions and through various media and television shows. The creators of the television series Touched by an Angel filmed an episode entitled, 'Show Me the Way Home' based on Cook's life. The episode portrays a Christian recording star that leaves his career after many tragic events and finding trouble in his walk with God. In the end, he overcomes his trials and returns to the stage and ministry with the help of the angels. The 700 Club also did a full length documentary on Cook that was aired throughout the world. Cook is the author of the published religious self help book Inspirational Words, which outlines most of his ordeal and how he eventually overcame the disorder." -> "Cook's story has been told through different media. An episode of the television series Touched by an Angel, 'Show Me the Way Home', was based on Cook's life; the episode portrayed a Christian music star that leaves his career after experiencing tragedy but returns to recording and ministry with the help of the angels. The 700 Club did a full-length documentary on Cook that was aired worldwide. Cook himself wrote the religious self-help book Inspirational Words, which outlines his ordeal and how he overcame the disorder." Done
- "His first solo Christian album, Come Follow Me, was released in 1985. The album was written and produced for him by famed producer/singer, Frank X. Loconto, former member of the popular 50's group, the Lane Brothers. The following year, he signed with the American Musical Academy of Arts Association (AMAAA) and recorded a follow up album entitled Personal Feelings." -> "His first solo Christian album, Come Follow Me, was released in 1985. The album was written and produced by singer/producer Frank X. Loconto, a former member of the group Lane Brothers. In 1986, he signed with the American Musical Academy of Arts Association (AMAAA) and released another album, Personal Feelings." Done
- "he started his own record label called DLC Records." -> "he started his own record label, DLC Records."
- "It was during this transitional period that Cook created a comedy character, named Mortermer Crabbottom, in the tradition of comedic country alter egos like Jim Nabors' eccentric Gomer Pyle persona." -> "At this time, Cook created Mortermer Crabbottom, a comedy character designed after Jim Nabors' eccentric Gomer Pyle persona."
- "Cook even recorded an album in character, Split Personality, based on the life and times of Mortermer Crabbottom growing up in the fictitious town of Crabbottom USA." -> "Cook also recorded an album in character, Split Personality, based on Mortermer Crabbottom's life in the fictitious town Crabbottom USA."
- "To date, Cook is the youngest person to be inducted." -> "Cook is the youngest person to be inducted."
Ink Runner (talk) 23:44, 7 November 2008 (UTC)
Brianboulton comments My review was hampered by an edit conflict. Some of these points may be covered by the above.
My main concern in this article has to do with the referencing. On my read-through I noticed that the first half-dozen sentences in the "Early life" section contained a number of highly significant statements about abuse, drunkenness, psychological illness, etc., all apparently cited to [13]. This turns out to be the website of Broward Health. In what way does this site provide any verification of the statement made concerning Cook? Similarly, reference [14], given later in the section after further medical information on Cook, is evidently a link to a media player. I am concerned that other apparent citations may be equally off the mark. I strongly recommend that you review each citation in turn, to see that it is a genuine source for the information you have provided in the article.
There are also general prose issues, a sample of which is listed below:-
(Nee = Mercer) needs to be writtern as (née Mercer) Done- 2500 should be written as 2,500 Done
- "Drop that Rock" should be italicized, and not in quotes Done
- The lead is too short. It is not a full summary of the article, and the information in the last mini-paragraph is rather trivial.
- The "Biography" section only takes Cook up to age 12. What is the demarcation between this section and the next, titld "Early life"?
- Comma required after "Mississippi" and "Florida" Done
- Why "Ft. Lauderdale", not "Fort Lauderdale" Done
- In "Music" section, "follow-up" needs a hyphen
- "which went on to earn..." would be better as "which earned..." Done
- "It was during this (not "that") transition..." Done
- Ref [19] is another dubious reference - why is it reliable, and how does it support the information in the text?
- "That same year..." What year is this - it's a while since a year has been given? Done
- In TV section, "co-host of the evening's..." not evenings Done
- Comma required after "president of Firebirds" Done
- "for the television series entitled New South Crossing..." - "entitled" is redundant Done
- "the song became entitled..." Try "The song was called..." Done
- You should not use the style "...you saw Cook..." In this instance the passive voice "Cook was seen" is necessary. Done
- "ins and outs" (plurals), not "in's and out's" Done
A thorough prose check may well reveal other points needing attention. I hope this review has helped. Brianboulton (talk) 00:50, 8 November 2008 (UTC)
- Thank you both for your review. There is one of the references that leads to a video of Cook on the 700 Club which explains all of the citation points in that area. I went through that when we took the article to WP:GAstatus. I will fix these things things as soon as possible. Please feel free to monitor the article and let me know of anything you see that needs more attention. Canyouhearmenow 01:01, 8 November 2008 (UTC)