Bengali Muslim wedding

A Bengali Muslim wedding (Bengali: বাঙালি মুসলিম বিয়ে) is a Bengali wedding in accordance to Muslim faith. It includes rituals and ceremonies that may span up to three days maximum. In most cases, it starts with the Dekha Dekhi (promising of marriage). Then, nikah (Muslim marriage registration) which is done by a Qazi with a fixed denmohor (payable to wife) and it ends with the Bou Bhat ceremony that is popular as the wedding reception arranged by the groom's family.^[1] It's the dominant tradition of wedding seen in Bangladesh.

A Bengali Muslim bride in red sari

A newly married couple in Dhaka

A couple on their wedding reception

Wedding arrangement

Like many non-industrial societies,^[2] in Bangladeshi culture, marriage is seen as a union between two families rather than just two people.^[3] Within Bangladesh, arranged marriages are arguably the most common form of marriage^[4] and are considered traditional in society.^[5]

A cultural wedding is arranged by a ghotok (matchmakers), who are generally friends or relatives of the bride and groom's parents. Ghotoks facilitate introduction of the bride and groom's identity to respective parents. Families traditionally seek bride and groom matches from the same religion and good social standing, and never allow unemployed men to become grooms. In the case of an arranged marriage, if the aforementioned compatibility factors are duly matched, only then is the pairing deemed an ideal match. Apart from arranged marriages there are also love marriages and semi-arranged marriages which are based more upon the preferences and wishes of the partners than strict traditional norms, though love marriage is forbidden by most of the families^{[citation needed]} and inter-gender friendship is frowned upon by the society.^[5]^[6]^[7]

Once the arrangement is done, the planning of the wedding itself is done by parents. They usually start the planning the wedding venue many or few months ahead or in some cases some weeks ahead.^[3]^[8]

Pre-wedding rituals

Paan Chini

Paan chini ot chini paan is a tradition to give two betel leaves and areca nuts to the guests at any auspicious occasion. Thus the name was derived from the servings. Paan (betel leaf) being served with silver foil signals festivity and during such propitious occasions it is also common to bring sweets. These gestures friendship and a heartening promise.^[3]

Turmeric ceremony

Giving turmeric to bride's forehead in Gaye Holud

Fish as gift (designed as bride and groom) for Gaye Holud in Bangladesh

This ritual is followed by turmeric ceremonies or Gaye Holud (Bengali: গায়ে হলুদ lit. "Turmeric in the body") take place before the wedding ceremony.^[9] There is one turmeric ceremony for the bride and another for the groom. For the bride's Gaye Holud, the groom's family - except the groom himself - travel in procession to the bride's home. They carry with them the bride's wedding dress/outfit, some wedding decorations including turmeric paste (that has lightly touched the groom's body), candy/sweetmeats and gifts. They also take a large Hilsha or Rohu fish decorated as a bride. After the two "yellowing ceremonies", the bride and groom are bathed in the water that the women had fetched from the waterway early that morning. There are local variations on this tradition, such as providing a specific number of fish to the party responsible for cooking them, and hence the best time to deliver the fresh fish to the groom's family.^[9]

Pitha for Gaye Holud

A Bengali Muslim bride's hand adorned with alta on her Gaye Holud

The turmeric paste is applied to the bride's skin by her friends. This is said to soften the skin, but it also colours her in the distinctive yellow hue that gives its name to this ceremony. The sweets are then fed to the bride by all involved, one at a time. Then a feast for the guests is served. Married women present may also stain each other with turmeric paste. Brides also adorn their hands, arms and feet with Alta (dye) or Henna (also known as Mehendi) on this day.^[10] Meyeli Git (Female Song) folk song which are sung by rural women individually or collectively at family gatherings and social ceremonies, are sung during different marriage rituals, such as the gaye halud ceremony, the bride and bridegroom bathing ceremony, while the bride is being dressed, the welcome and farewell to the bridegroom, and the farewell to the bride.^[11]

Wedding ceremony

A traditional bride on her wedding day

Groom signing the marriage documents

Bou Bhat

A bride on her Bou Bhat in Dhaka, Bangladesh

A couple on their photo session in the Bou Bhat in front of Cantonment Central Mosque, Dhaka

Changes

In the past, weddings would take place in the wife's home as community centers were not available. Many people would be invited to the wedding. In the villages, in the past, the women would sing geet, a traditional type of song sung at weddings and dance. Nowadays, modern music has taken over the geet and most of the weddings are held at community centers.^[3] Nowadays, some weddings are made as a joint program where the biye and boubhat are arranged together and jointly sponsored by the parents of both the wife and the husband.

Chittagongian wedding

The Chittagong region has some really unique traditions than Bengali traditions of other divisions of Bangladesh. One of the unique wedding rituals of Chittagong is Boujorni (Bengali: বউজড়নী) or Jora gantha (Bengali: জোড়া গাঁথা). There's another event in Chittagong's Bengali culture which takes place at the night before the bride gets to the in-laws house after marriage called pansholla (Bengali: পানশল্লা) and it is observed by both Muslims and Buddhists, in the area. Like how the groom, along with his friends and family, traditionally arrive later in the evening and which is called Borjatri, in Chittagongian society there's another tradition which is similar but instead of groom side it's the bride side and it's known as Soari (Sawari) (Bengali: সোয়ারী). The word "Sawar" is a word which means "ride" and it's used among South Asian communities. It is believed that because the bride used to ride on a Palki, it is called Soari/Sawari. The Borjatri is known as Boirati (Bengali: বৈরাতী). The people from the Boirati get served by Duruch polao (Bengali: দুরুচ পোলাও) which is a type of Bengali pilaf originated in Chittagong. The Duruch is made by marinating whole chicken with Bengali spices then it gets burned a bit directly on flame and then fried in oil. And another dish is called Nunnuch (Bengali: নুন্নুচ) and it's a type of curry.