Vivikir
| This user is a student editor in UC_Berkeley/Grappling_with_Global_Poverty_(Spring_2018) . |
Welcome!
editHello, Vivikir, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:28, 2 February 2018 (UTC)
Peer Review (3/19) - Varsha Prakash [edit]
editHello! My name is Varsha, and I am one of your peer reviewers for GPP 105.
Area Article: History of women's rights in South Africa
I think you have some really great ideas for how to improve this page, and effectively identified its current weaknesses. I also agree that it is problematic that an article of such length is based on a single source (which is hardly cited in the page), and think that the opinionated language can obscure facts and other perspectives.
In your sandbox, you mentioned that you planned to change the sentence:"While all women have been disadvantaged, black women have dealt with additional struggles due to apartheid." Your rewording has more balanced language, which helps this article become more encyclopedic. However, I noticed that your rewording took out the link to apartheid. I though that connection was important because it highlighted historic systematic discrimination in the country, so I would suggest either re-rewording your sentence to include the apartheid link or mentioning it elsewhere in the article. I'm also not sure what the source for your proposed sentence was, so it would be good to cite that!
You also included a paragraph (taken from "Women's rights in South Africa throughout history") that you are planning to edit. I think this section could use a lot of work, but I noticed that the language in the "Rights of girls in South Africa" section is even more opinionated and unsourced. I'd recommend working on this section in addition to (or maybe inlace of) the one you have currently identified, just because it is in even more need of attention.
Sector Article: Legal aid
I think the sentences you have write now are well-written and encyclopedic in tone. However, I'm not sure how you're planning to incorporate them into the article since there is no South Africa section. Your sentences all mention that country, so are you planning to create a new section in the article that's focused on legal aid in South Africa? If so, I think you have a good start. But, like I mentioned, I'm not totally sure how you're planning to include your edits.
Good luck with your Wikipedia pages! --Vprakash97 (talk) 22:55, 19 March 2018 (UTC)
Peer Review
editArea article: History of Women’s Rights in South Africa This article is easy to read, and has a straightforward outline that isn’t too complex. This makes the article a good candidate to edit. The main problem of this article is the underdevelopment of the contents. Most of the contents are only one paragraph in length, and this is most likely due to the lack of sources. Granted, there are external links, but these appear to only give introduction to other articles. The article as a whole only has one reference, this is one aspect that you may improve upon. This edit will also improve the narrative voice of the article; the article has a biased voice that does not allow for a clear understanding of the article. Once you include your references, then this problem will be solved. I also noticed, that you may have of already pointed out these mistaked. This also improves the article because it helps other editors to improve on the article. I also enjoyed how you plan to incorporate patriarchy into the article, this will help give the article a more comprehensive edge. This is also aided by the fact that you want to add legal content to the article. -Sigyn22 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sigyn22 (talk • contribs) 04:21, 20 March 2018 (UTC)