Sundcb

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Hello, Sundcb, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:26, 2 October 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review

This article is missing a "lead" section that explains what the article will be discussing. Perhaps adding this will help to give readers a better understanding of what the article is about prior to reading through the entire article. What you have added is great! It really strengthens and expands on the ideas behind the article. The setup in the "In Thelma" section is worded in a way that makes me think it was very closes worded to the source where the information was retrieved. If you go through this section and reword/paraphrase some of this information it may also help to make this article stronger. Close paraphrasing makes the writer seem unsure of the information they are writing about. You did a great job at expanding on the section that you added yourself, so editing this section yourself I believe will help to improve the article a lot!

Overall, you have done a great job at expanding and strengthening the article. I think the lead could use some more expanding to summarize everything the article will talk about. If you continue doing what you are doing this article will be GREATLY improved! Nice job! Torressy (talk) 17:50, 29 October 2018 (UTC)

My Response

Yes I agree, a lead section is very important. I will add more content into the lead. I haven't done a great deal of looking into the sources from other people's contributions onto the page, I've been looking more into the psychological perspective, so I'm not sure if I'm going to do any major changes to what already exists. I'm interested in adding content which is well organized and makes sense, I think that's what I'm going to focus on above all else. Sundcb (talk) 23:10, 30 October 2018 (UTC)