Madwellington

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Your submission at Articles for creation: Shazi Visram (December 11)

Latest comment: 7 years ago2 comments1 person in discussion

Your recent article submission to Articles for Creation has been reviewed! Unfortunately, it has not been accepted at this time. The reason left by Worldbruce was:

This submission appears to read more like an advertisement than an entry in an encyclopedia. Encyclopedia articles need to be written from a neutral point of view, and should refer to a range of independent, reliable, published sources, not just to materials produced by the creator of the subject being discussed. This is important so that the article can meet Wikipedia's verifiability policy and the notability of the subject can be established. If you still feel that this subject is worthy of inclusion in Wikipedia, please rewrite your submission to comply with these policies.

The comment the reviewer left was:

The topic is notable, and the sourcing is fairly good, although at times the draft leans too heavily on her company and its press releases. The early life and education section is rough, but acceptable.

After that the draft rapidly deteriorates into a cross between a CV and an ad for Happy Family. It cherrypicks from the sources things that make the company look good, relies overmuch on quotations, and is full of cringeworthy phrasing like "experienced much innovation", "the organic, thoughtfully-made food that babies need", "first organic brand to offer a complete line of nutritious organic foods for babies', toddlers' and kids' growing bodies", "optimized with probiotics and DHA", and "putting her experience as a mission-driven entrepreneur to work as an investor looking to make the world a better place."

The structural problems are the easiest to fix. Rather than grouping personal life, charity, and other work in their own subsections, distribute their contents chronologically. Break the chronology into sections for the company's founding and struggling years, the years when it hit its stride, and the years after she sold it. The prose will be harder to fix, and will require a fundamental rewrite.

Please check the submission for any additional comments left by the reviewer. You are encouraged to edit the submission to address the issues raised and resubmit when they have been resolved.

If you would like to continue working on the submission, go to Draft:Shazi Visram and click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window.
If you now believe the draft cannot meet Wikipedia's standards or do not wish to progress it further, you may request deletion. Please go to Draft:Shazi Visram, click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window, add "{{db-self}}" at the top of the draft text and save.
If you need any assistance, you can ask for help at the Articles for creation help desk or on the reviewer's talk page.
You can also use Wikipedia's real-time chat help from experienced editors.

Worldbruce (talk) 17:49, 11 December 2017 (UTC)Reply

Hello! Madwellington, I noticed your article was declined at Articles for Creation, and that can be disappointing. If you are wondering why your article submission was declined, please post a question at the Articles for creation help desk. If you have any other questions about your editing experience, we'd love to help you at the Teahouse, a friendly space on Wikipedia where experienced editors lend a hand to help new editors like yourself! See you there! Worldbruce (talk) 17:49, 11 December 2017 (UTC)Reply

Your submission at Articles for creation: Shazi Visram has been accepted

Latest comment: 6 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion

Shazi Visram, which you submitted to Articles for creation, has been created.
The article has been assessed as Start-Class, which is recorded on the article's talk page. You may like to take a look at the grading scheme to see how you can improve the article.

You are more than welcome to continue making quality contributions to Wikipedia. If your account is more than four days old and you have made at least 10 edits you can create articles yourself without posting a request. However, you may continue submitting work to Articles for Creation if you prefer.

If you have any questions, you are welcome to ask at the help desk.
If you would like to help us improve this process, please consider leaving us some feedback.

Thank you for helping improve Wikipedia!

Chetsford (talk) 05:56, 10 March 2018 (UTC)Reply

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