May 31st. 2017 -- Peer Review by Joyce Xiong on "Glycerophospholipid"
I enjoyed reading the additions you made to this page, especially the "glycerophospholipid metabolism" section. Below are corrections/suggestions that I believe could improve the paper even more. Overall, I think it is important 1) to avoid using "they" and "their" and 2) to maintain a consistent tone (I noticed that your ending was concise and very informational but some of your edits in the beginning were more vague [pronoun usage] and unspecific [explained below]). I checked your references and they all seem reliable. I also do not see any bias or problems with organization throughout the article, so great job with that!
Glycerolphospholipid in the brain section:
"the major classes are four in number namely"- To make this sentence clearer, I would just say "the four major classes of glycerolphospholipid found in neural membranes are..."
"stability, permeability, and fluidity"- Good job identifying these characteristics, but I would expand on what each of these mean to neuron. For instance, does "stability" mean charge stability? If so, how does glycerolphospholipid provide that stability?
"memeberanes"- spelling error
Functions and use in membranes section:
"...orients the polar heads and non-polar tails into a conformation that results in the fomation of the lipid bilayer"- It would help younger readers if you could link Lipid bilayer or perhaps include a picture showing what a glycerophospholipid bilayer looks like.
"Apart from their... they also...they influence...they are important... their metabolism and function..."- There are a lot of "they" and "their" pronouns. Since this is a pretty dense section with different topics, "they" should be replaced by actual nouns 1) to help the readers keep track what you are talking about and 2) to maintain a sophisticated tone.
Glycerophopholipid metabolism section:
I really enjoyed this paragraph. Assuming that the mechanisms are accurate, this paragraph you added was detailed yet clean and clear. The only suggestion I have is to link CDP-choline pathway when you talk about the Kennedy pathway towards the end. If you have time, it would also be nice to include a picture of the intermediates involved or a picture of a step within this mechanism.
Good job and good luck!!
- Joyce Xiong
| This user is a student editor in Wikipedia:Wiki_Ed/UCLA/Chem_153A_Honors_(Spring_2017). Student assignments should always be carried out using a course page set up by the instructor. It is usually best to develop assignments in your sandbox. After evaluation, the additions may go on to become a Wikipedia article or be published in an existing article. |
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