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"despite his friend Richard Grenville and his two brothers being Cavaliers (royalists)". This causes uncertainty as to whether the two brothers are the siblings of Paleologus or Grenville. Perhaps 'despite his two brothers and his friend Richard Grenville being Cavaliers (royalists)'?
"since his father served the hated and feared Earl Henry Clinton as Master of the Horse". Hated and feared by whom?
By his own subjects and significant portions of the rest of the nobility. Hall (2015) calls him one of the most hated and feared noblemen in all of England at his time; I could move in some of the stuff in the article on Theodore Paleologus if clarification is needed. Ichthyovenator (talk) 17:05, 5 November 2020 (UTC)Reply
A suggestion 'where his father served as Master of the Horse for the Earl Henry Clinton; the modern historian John Hall describes Clinton as one of the most hated and feared noblemen in all of England at the time.'?
"Grenville returned to England years later, in order to join the 1640 army raised by King Charles I". This is repetitive and a little clumsy. Why not 'Grenville returned to England in 1640 order to join the army raised by King Charles I' or similar?
Removed/rephrased this bit (as per another suggestion below).
"Grenville was imprisoned, but fled to Germany, where he would earn the nickname "Skellum", derived from the German "scheim", meaning "scoundrel". Grenville returned to England years later, in order to join the 1640 army raised by King Charles I against the Scots during the Bishops' Wars. Serving in this army." Why all this detail on Grenville, when the article is about Theodre?
Hall (2015) spends a lot of time on the "side characters" in the life stories of the Paleologi so I suppose some of that filtered through; I've removed some of the detail and made this part more focused on Theodore. See if you think it works better now. Ichthyovenator (talk) 17:05, 5 November 2020 (UTC)Reply
I believe that St John was Baron St John of Bletso until 1624 and then Earl Bolingbroke and was never a lord. Which source states that he was?
I linked the wrong Oliver St John here (fixed). The source calls him "Lord St John of Bletso" and not "Baron St John of Bletso", but Baron appears to be correct so I'll assume "Lord" is just a mistake. Ichthyovenator (talk) 17:05, 5 November 2020 (UTC)Reply
"Like his father before him, Theodore Junior now served as a professional soldier." As Theodore's brother's military career has not previously been mentioned, and as the prior sentence establishes that he was serving as a professional soldier, this seems redundant, and may be best deleted.
