Talk:The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Tonga/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: HaEr48 (talk · contribs) 04:41, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

I'll take this on. Interesting topic, will read the article in detail soon. HaEr48 (talk) 04:41, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

*Preliminary feedback: As per WP:PAGENUM, please include page numbers in citations referring the Britsch (1986) book. See WP:CITEPAGE on how to do this. HaEr48 (talk) 04:47, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

Ok here goes:

Feedback on body

• “The LDS missionaries were removed from Tonga in 1897” => use active voice to show who/what removed them? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “Missionaries began a school” => explain what kind of school? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “in Ha'alaufuli”, explain what Ha'alaufuli is, e.g. “in the village of Ha'alaufuli” (if a village) HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• Same for Tongatapu HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “while serving as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles” Please briefly explain what the Quorum .. is. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• The section title is “The Mormon Exclusion Law of 1921” but the article body says “passing of a law in 1922”.. Please reconcile HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• The “The Mormon Exclusion Law of 1921” section is written from the Church’s point of view, is there a non-mormon source explaining why the country did this? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “George Albert Smith visited the church members in 1938” - describe what position Smith had at this time HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “Until 1935, the translation of church materials into the Tongan language was completed by the missionaries” Use active voice. Also, what do you mean that it was completed “until 1945” (as opposed to “in 1935”)? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “Samuela Fakatou and other local leaders” => introduce Fakatou by a description, e.g. local LDS Church leader Samuela Fakatou. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “The Tongan Mission had to create its own materials for distribution to members and investigators” => I don’t understand this part. Why is the scripture created locally? Who are the “investigators”? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “Due to the difficulties surrounding translation work” => what difficulties? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “the request of Tongan mission” is “Tongan mission” a proper noun or not? The capitalization seems different throughout the article. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

* “It was anticipated that copies of the new book would be prepared quickly” => who anticipated that? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

• “ Taufa'ahau Tupou IV returned from a trip to Australia “ => what was the position of Taufa'ahau Tupou IV? It seems that he’s not king yet. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• Dunn stated that the prophet was "inspired to call them back". => For those unfamiliar with the context, who is “the prophet” here? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “The celebration was held from November 25 to December 1, 1968.” => Where? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

* “The king and prime minister of Tonga both “ => name the king and PM? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

• “By 1968 the church had grown from just over 3,000 members to more than 12,000” when is the number “3,000” from?
• Explain briefly what a “stake” is in the article HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• "a greater percentage than the Church could claim in any other nation in the world." -> You put this in quotes, so state who according to whom this is. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “Missions” section is completely unreferenced, you need inline references for those dates. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

* Why is the section heading in plural when there’s only one? HaEr48 (talk) 04:08, 25 March 2017 (UTC)

• “Temples” section => Explain in the article what a temple is in LDS context (e.g. how it is different from a regular place of worship) HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• Why is the section heading in plural when there’s only one? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• “it is tradition for temples in the islands to be adjacent to LDS Church schools” => what does “the islands” refer to? HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• describe who John Groberg is. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• The first two paragraph of the “Temples” section was not referenced. There are a lot of numbers, those need to be cited inline. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

Feedback on lead

• “ the LDS Church did not maintain stability in Tonga” => unclar what this means, please rephrase HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• Explain the discrepancy on membership number in the 2nd paragraph of the lead. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
• church leaders published Tongan translations of the scriptures => add a year or year range to this. HaEr48 (talk) 05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

  @HaEr48: Thank you for your patience as I have worked on editing The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Tonga page. I have completed the edits you recommended in your initial review. Please let me know if there is anything else I can change or contribute to the page. Thanks! JAGrace (BYU) (talk) 18:03, 24 March 2017 (UTC)

@JAGrace (BYU): Thanks for the response. Your updates look good, I've considered most of the recommendations addressed, but there are some remaining. Could you take a look on the unstruck bullet points above and act on them? HaEr48 (talk) 04:11, 25 March 2017 (UTC)

@HaEr48: I have gone through the four remaining recommendations listed above. The first unstruck point regarding the Quorum of the 12 was something I did add to the article in my first round of edits, but it was removed by another user. Second, I have changed the usage of the "Tongan Mission" to be capitalized as a proper noun when referring to the "Tongan Mission" on its own. However, when referring to a "Tongan mission president", this title is lowercase according to the MOS:LDS, to avoid the use of jargon regarding church leadership positions. I have edited the article's usage according to this guideline. Third, the point concerning the Golden Jubilee Celebration's time and location was also removed, but I have added the information in with a citation. Lastly, I went through the page's Mission section and added the citations that provided proper supporting evidence. I removed the information that I could not find any evidence for, despite scouring many resources. I hope that my explanation of these last edits was helpful, and please let me know if there is anything else I can do moving forward. Thank you again for your consideration! JAGrace (BYU) (talk) 22:16, 29 March 2017 (UTC)

@JAGrace (BYU): Thank you for the update! We're nearly there, I added a "citation needed" and a "page needed" tag. Could you take a look at them? When that's done I think we're good to go. HaEr48 (talk) 03:58, 30 March 2017 (UTC)

@HaEr48: I have added the citation and page number. Thanks! JAGrace (BYU) (talk) 16:16, 31 March 2017 (UTC)

Thanks! I'm happy to pass the review. Congratulations! HaEr48 (talk) 19:39, 31 March 2017 (UTC)