Talk:Public Strain/GA1
Latest comment: 2 years ago by Kyle Peake in topic GA Review
GA Review
editGA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:28, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
|
A review of this coming later on today! --K. Peake 07:28, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
Infobox and lead
edit- September 28 is not sourced as the exact release date anywhere in the body
- Added ref in release section
- "and final album" → "and final studio album"
- Done
- The production part should be in the recording sentence instead
- See below
- "on September 28, 2010, on" → "on September 28, 2010, via" but again, the exact release date is not sourced
- Done
- Remove VanGaalen's label introduction because this is not needed in the lead when it's in the body already
- Done
- "Public Strain was recorded during a" → "The album was recorded during a"
- done
- "8-month recording process" the body seems to source around 10 months, not eight
- Added efn
- Regarding the production merger, do something like adding a semi-colon then write "produced by Chad VanGaalen."
- Now it's: "The album was produced by Chad VanGaalen and recorded during a period of isolation for the band..."
- "It is noted for its key and time signature changes," → "It has been noted for the key changes and vocal delivery," or something else notable per only one song having the signature mentioned, with the target
- done
- Done
- Remove late artist intro to Ray Johnson per the body being sufficient
- Done
- "are described as" → "were described as"
- Done
- Pipe harmonizing to Harmonization
- Done
- "The instrumentation on the album is" → "The instrumentation is"
- Done
- No feedback is sourced in the body and only one song is mentioned as featured reverberation, so reword or source more info
- Just reworded
- "The tour for the album would" → "An accompanying tour would"
- Done
- "lead to the band's disbanding" → "lead to Women's disbanding"
- Done
- It needs to be mentioned directly in the body that the album failed to chart, rather than just no positions listed
- I can't find a source that says that the album failed to chart explicitly, but the album never charted other than in the earshot chart. Should I just remove this?
- I would suggest so, as everything in the leads needs to be written out in the body and the !earshot chart is not notable. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- There we go
- I would suggest so, as everything in the leads needs to be written out in the body and the !earshot chart is not notable. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- I can't find a source that says that the album failed to chart explicitly, but the album never charted other than in the earshot chart. Should I just remove this?
- "have labeled the album" → "have labeled Public Strain"
- done
- "Eyesore" being retrospectively praised is not backed up in the body
- Moved part in music section to legacy section, hopefully that is sufficient
- Yeah, this should do it. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- Moved part in music section to legacy section, hopefully that is sufficient
- "Public Strain has received" → "the album has received
- Done
- The impact is sourced in the body, but it being on indie artists and mentioned by personnel/recording is not
- Added more info in legacy section
- Does not appear to have any mention of indie artists, even if you have added VanGallen for the latter part. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- I clarified this a bit. Does this read fine now?
- Does not appear to have any mention of indie artists, even if you have added VanGallen for the latter part. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- Added more info in legacy section
Background and recording
edit- Wikilink Chad VanGaalen on the img text
- Done
- Mention the name of their debut studio album
- Done
- "the band members lived" → "the members lived"
- Done
- Pipe jam to Jam session
- Done
- The name of the studio space is not mentioned by the source
- Whoops. Cite added
- "which led to the band" → "which led to them"
- Done
- "as a "slog," but with similar or the same experimentation techniques as the band's first record." → "as a "slog", but with similar or the same experimentation techniques as Women." per MOS:QUOTE
- Done
- "acknowledged the band's influence" → "acknowledged Women's influence"
- Done
- [4] should be solely at the end of the para per it being used for the last two sentences
- Done
- Remove overly obvious wikilink on India
- Done
- "the album varies with" → "Public Strain varies with"
- Done
- "that the band members would" → "that the band members did"
- Done
- Add the interview source to the quote to avoid OR
- Done
- "Most of the album was" → "Most of Public Strain was"
- Done
- "on the bands intended sound," → "of Women's intended sound,"
- Done
- "growing incredibly paranoid."" should only have the punctuation inside speech marks if it is the end of a full sentence quoted
- Done
- Wikilink Flemish Eye and mention it being VanGaalen's label here
- Done
- "for creating the album." → "for creating Public Strain."
- Done
- Wikilink Nintendo
- Done
- Wikilink cassette tape
- Done
Music and lyrics
edit- Wikilink The Velvet Underground on the img text
- Done
- [9] should be only invoked once in the first sentence; do this after the second genre it sources
- done
- "shows more pop influences than the band's debut album." → "showcases more pop influences than Women." with the pipe
- done
- "The album opens with" → "It begins with" also, remove the comma from inside the song title speech marks
- Done
- Pipe key to Key (music)
- Done
- Wikilink time signature
- Done
- "is noted for its minimal use" → "was noted for a minimal use" plus mention the feedback in this sentence and change 60s to 1960s
- Done
- You missed the initial point and the extra parts --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- W h o o p s. Done
- You missed the initial point and the extra parts --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- Done
- Pipe ballad to Sentimental ballad
- Done
- "to the album's tenth track" → "to Public Strain's tenth track"
- Done
- The first quote about "Venice Lockjaw" is not sourced
- Done
- "to woo the stars."" → "to woo the stars"." per MOS:QUOTE
- Done
- Remove the comma from inside "Bells", also the integral description is unsourced
- Somehow I switched the refs up, fixed
- "style drive a listener" → "style drive listeners" but the quote is not sourced and move the punctuation outside speech marks
- Ref added, fixed
- "is considered to be" → "has been considered to be"
- Done
- "noisiest tracks on the album," → "noisiest tracks on Public Strain," but where is the noisiest part sourced?
- Done, source added
- The "brilliant climax" part is not sourced, also this is not neutral for music and lyrics
- Just removed that part
- [16][17] should solely be at the end of the sentence
- Done
- "wide melodic intervals."" → "wide melodic intervals"."
- Done
- "only single off of the album;" → "only single from Public Strain;"
- Done
- "their swan song."" → "their swan song"."
- Done
- ""Eyesore" is one of" → "The track is one of"
- Done
- "The album is noted for its evocative," → "Public Strain is noted for evocative,"
- Done
- "between Patrick and Matthew Flegel," → "between Patrick and Matt Flegel,"
- Done
- "The album cover was" → "The cover art was" to be less repetitive
- Done
- "of the town where Johnson lived in," → "of the town where Johnson lived,"
- Done
- "was also referenced on" → "was previously referenced on"
- Done
Release
edit- The releases are not sourced, also can you find an exact date like you've wrote in the beginning of the article?
- Done...hopefully
- This should work, I suppose. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- Done...hopefully
- Pipe !earshot to Exclaim!
- done
- "3-month fall tour" → "three-month fall tour" per MOS:NUM
- done
- "and the band's label Flemish Eye stated that the band" → "and Flemish Eye stated that Women"
- done
- "in the same year after" → "in October 2010 after"
- done
- Why no mention of the "Eyesore" single release here?
- Brief mention added, but there is a surprising lack of information
Reception
edit- Pipe The Boston Phoenix to The Phoenix (newspaper)
- Done
- "Sputnikmusic juxtaposed the band" → "Sputnikmusic reviewer Electric City juxtaposed Women"
- Done
- "with reviewer Electric City writing that "[i]n the" → "writing: "In the"
- Done
- Fix MOS:QUOTE issues throughout this section for the parts that aren't full sentences
- "Chris Buckle, writing for" → "Chris Buckle, for"
- Done
- "writing for PopMatters, commented that in the wake of the bands" → "at PopMatters, commented that in the wake of the band's"
- Done
- "writing for No Ripcord," → "for No Ripcord" and remove the independent introduction here, also doesn't this contradict the widespread acclaim statement at the start? If so, I would suggest altering that part.
- Done. I'm not sure since while some reviewers were more qualified, this is the sole negative review I could find (also see the Metacritic and ADM refs)
- The Velvet Underground → the Velvet Underground per MOS:THEMUSIC
- Done
- "placed it at" → "placed the album at"
- Done
- "of the BBC called it" → "of BBC called Public Strain" with the wikilink
- Done
Legacy and influence
edit- "The album is widely considered" → "It is widely considered"
- Done
- "Sputnikmusic's staff ranked it the 3rd" → "Sputnikmusic's staff ranked Public Strain the third" per MOS:NUM
- Done
- Fix MOS:QUOTE issues throughout this section for the parts that aren't full sentences
- Done...again, hopefully
- "ranked it the" → "ranked the album the"
- done
- "of the decade respectively." → "of the decade, respectively."
- done
- "called the album a" → "called Public Strain a"
- Done
- Pipe cult classic to Cult following
- Done
- Remove wikilink on the Velvet Underground
- Done
- Remove or replace Medium per WP:MEDIUM
- Removed
- "named it one" → "named Public Strain one"
- Done
- Remove wikilink on Flemish Eye
- Done
- "that had released the album" → "that had released Public Strain"
- Done
Track listing
edit- See MOS:TABLECAPTION
- Done
Personnel
edit- Wikilink Chad VanGaalen and mention him being producer too
- Done
References
edit- Copyvio score looks too high at 51.6%; cut down the quoting in legacy and influence to fix this
- Done...but will double check after I post this
- It is around 41% now, which means you still need to cut down quoting but good job in dropping by around 10%! --K. Peake 09:00, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- Cut this down
- It is around 41% now, which means you still need to cut down quoting but good job in dropping by around 10%! --K. Peake 09:00, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- Done...but will double check after I post this
- Wikilink Calgary Herald on ref 1
- I have my doubts about ref 3's reliability, as The Blue Indian identifies as a blog
- Just removing, as it only sources a little bit on the recording section
- Cite Tumblr as publisher instead on ref 5 with the wikilink
- Done
- Cite last name before first on ref 6 and wikilink Apple Podcasts, citing in via parameter instead
- Done
- Remove or replace ref 8 per WP:MEDIUM
- Just removed
- Cite Bandcamp as publisher instead on ref 10
- Done
- Pipe The Boston Phoenix to The Phoenix (newspaper) on ref 12
- Done
- Cite Revolution Rock as publisher instead on ref 13
- Done
- WP:OVERLINK of PopMatters on ref 17
- Removed
- Cite Sputnikmusic as publisher instead on refs 18 and 35, wikilinking on the first instance
- Done
- Remove Beats Per Minute from the title of ref 19 and cite as Beats Per Minute instead, piping to Beats Per Minute (website)
- Done
- Fix MOS:QWQ issues with refs 20 and 21
- Using single quotes now
- Cite Flemish Eye Records as publisher instead on ref 22 and pipe to Flemish Eye
- done
- www.earshot-online.com → !earshot on ref 23, piping to Exclaim!
- Done
- Remove or replace ref 24 per WP:SELFPUB
- Replaced
- Remove wikilink on Exclaim! for ref 31
- Done
- Cite Pitchfork as work/website instead on ref 32
- Done
- Remove BBC from the title of ref 33 and change www.bbc.co.uk to BBC, citing as publisher instead with the wikilink
- Done
- Aux.tv → A.Side TV on ref 34, citing as publisher instead with the wikilink
- Done
- Cite Gorilla vs. Bear on ref 36 with the wikilink
- Done
- Wikilink Tiny Mix Tapes on ref 37
- Done
- exclaim.ca → Exclaim! on ref 38
- Done
- FLOOD → Flood on ref 39
- Done
External links
edit- Good
Final comments and verdict
edit- On hold until all of the issues are fixed; quite a lengthy review this one! --K. Peake 14:38, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
- I'm gonna save here--feel free to look through my changes, and I'll finish this up in a bit DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 18:23, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
- @K. Peake: I've responded to everything above. I think this only needs a tad more work but we'll see. If you need me to clarify something further, I am happy to! DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 23:50, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
- DecrepitlyOnward It is applaudable that you responded so quickly and I have done some copy editing myself in minor areas, but there are still some unresolved issues that I pointed out above. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- @K. Peake:, I really should've double checked and brought all of the advice from my last GAN to here. But here we are. Addressed everything above. DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 01:39, 1 February 2022 (UTC)
- ✓ Pass time, no problems are remaining now! --K. Peake 08:19, 1 February 2022 (UTC)
- @K. Peake:, I really should've double checked and brought all of the advice from my last GAN to here. But here we are. Addressed everything above. DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 01:39, 1 February 2022 (UTC)
- DecrepitlyOnward It is applaudable that you responded so quickly and I have done some copy editing myself in minor areas, but there are still some unresolved issues that I pointed out above. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- @K. Peake: I've responded to everything above. I think this only needs a tad more work but we'll see. If you need me to clarify something further, I am happy to! DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 23:50, 30 January 2022 (UTC)