Talk:Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Try to address these line by line. Here we go! — Hunter Kahn _(c) 18:57, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

Lead:

• I'd suggest adding ", and the 72nd overall episode of the series." to the end of the first sentence. This is just a general rule of thumb I follow in my own television episode articles, but it's not required under WP:MOSTV or anything like that, so if you don't want to follow this suggestion you certainly don't have to...
  • Added. The Flash ^{talk} 19:56, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
• I'd suggest adding "In its original broadcast" to the beginning of the sentence "It ranked fourth in the key demographics" in the second paragraph...'
  • Added. The Flash ^{talk} 19:56, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
• Believe it or not, "88%" should actually be "88 percent", as per WP:PERCENT...
  • Done. The Flash ^{talk} 19:56, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
• "it ranked number 13 on cable for the entire week"
  • Rewrote a bit. The Flash ^{talk} 19:56, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
    • I changed it to "it was the thirteenth highest-ranked cable program". If you object to this, you can change it back to your revised wording, but I like this change the best... — Hunter Kahn _(c) 00:11, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

Plot summary:

• First paragraph: "...where the boys are leave before Linda can see them." I assuming you mean "where the boys are leaving", but I didn't want to presume since I haven't seen the episode...
  • Changed to "leave before." The Flash ^{talk} 20:04, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
• Second paragraph "Professor Onassis, the inventor of the time machine, arrives in the newly created machine soon after..." I'm sorry, this is probably my own stupidity, not a problem with the prose. lol. I'm a big confused by this, because you write "arrives in the newly created machine" as if there was a previous reference to the fact that a new machine was being created that we were already aware of, but I don't see any reference to that in the first paragraph. Can you either straighten me out on this, or maybe try rewording that sentence?
  • Here's where it gets complicated with time travel, lol. Onassis arrives in the future with the time machine which, at his time, was just created. Hope that clears it up. The Flash ^{talk} 20:04, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
    • Ok, I get it now, but could you try revising that sentence just a bit to make it a little clearer? — Hunter Kahn _(c) 00:11, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

• Done, I think. The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

• Also second paragraph: "However, in doing so, she accidentally leads to Perry, their pet who is secretly a suave secret agent, to be injured and his nemesis, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, to come out victorious in his evil scheme." Could you maybe break this into two sentences to make it flow easier? Something like: "But in doing so, she accidentally leads Perry, their pet who is secretly a suave secret agent, to become injured. As a result, Perry's nemesis, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, is victorious in his evil scheme." Also, is there a more specific description of how exactly he succeeds at this particular moment in the episode?
  • I broke it into two and explained what actually happened a bit better.
• Still second paragraph: "...the world childproofs everything..." I'm guessing "...everything in the world becomes childproof..." would be better here, right? It's not the world that's actually doing the childproofing...
  • Done. The Flash ^{talk} 20:04, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
• Third paragraph: "After one of them ceases to exists, the boys do..." I tripped over "the boys do". Do you mean "the boys fix the machine"?
  • Yep, done. The Flash ^{talk} 20:04, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

Production:

• First paragraph: "..., an episode co-founder Dan Povenmire "really liked."" This read awkwardly for me tagged onto the end of the sentence. Could you break it out into a second smaller sentence? Also, it might be better to simply paraphrase those two words than quote them as per WP:QUOTE...

• Broke into a second paragraph and reworded. The Flash ^{talk} 20:19, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

• Second paragraph: "The inclusion of the flashbacks to the pilot episode 'Rollercoaster'"... I'm assuming the flashback refers to the part in the plot summary where she goes back to them building the roller coaster. Although I think most readers would make that connection to, could you include here exactly what that reference is? Something like "The scenes in which Candace travels back to the Phineas and Ferb building a roller coaster are a reference to the pilot episode, in which..." etc etc and then link that to the "great fun" sentence?

• Done. The Flash ^{talk} 20:19, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

• Third paragraph:"The goal of the crew was to make sure everything stayed strong to a certain logical standpoint, which lead to several "surreal" conversations". I'd definitely suggest dropping the quotes from surreal on this one and just paraphrasing that word. There's seldom a need to quote a single word, and it will get away from the awkward double-citation after "surreal" and "conversations". However, if you choose to keep it in quotes, you need to cite who specifically said the word "surreal", as every quote needs to have a citation in the prose as well as in the reference...

• Replaced "surreal" with unrealistic. The Flash ^{talk} 20:19, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
  • If it's alright, I put back the word surreal, but dropped the quotes off of it. Surreal seems like the right word to me, we just don't need the quotation marks. — Hunter Kahn _(c) 00:40, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

• Third paragraph: "that would that seemed complicated" I was just going to fix it myself, but I figured I'd let you choose whichever clause you wanted to use. ;)

• lol, Done. The Flash ^{talk} 20:19, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

• Fourth paragraph: "Since "what Doofenshmirtz and Perry do interacts and effects what the boys are doing,"" Again, I'd suggest paraphrasing this, but it's just a suggestion. However, if you choose not to paraphrase it, you need to say who said it.

• Paraphrased. The Flash ^{talk} 20:19, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

• Fourth paragraph: "...felt that it was done "really well."" Again, I'd said drop the quotes, or add in who specifically said it was done "really well".'

• Paraphrased. The Flash ^{talk} 20:19, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

• Fourth paragraph: I'm not sure if irony has to be wikilinked, as per WP:OVERLINK. What do you think?

• Yeah, I agree, removed. The Flash ^{talk} 20:19, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

I'll finish the review later tonight. Nice work so far!!! — Hunter Kahn _(c) 18:57, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review! :) The Flash ^{talk} 20:21, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

• Fifth paragraph: "...was originally written as a throwaway joke in the initial script for the episode..." "Originally written" and "initial script" strike me as redundant. Couldn't we just say "was originally written as a throwaway joke for the episode"?

•  Done The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

• Also fifth paragraph: "someone was curious about the line and Povenmire came up with an entire back story". I'm guessing we don't know who that someone is? Or at least what their involvement with the show is? (Writer, producer, etc?)

• Nope, the audio interview doesn't state who it was, just that they were crew members. The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)
  • Then it should reflect that much at least. I added "some crew members were curious..."

• I'd remove the wikilink for e-mail in this fifth paragraph. Again, as per WP:OVERLINK...
• Sixth paragraph: I'd also remove the wikilink to guest appearances, unless you feel really strongly about that one...

•  Done The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

• Sixth paragraph: "Stone researched Ashley Tisdale's performance as Candace on YouTube to better grasp the attention needed on the voice role." Unless I missed it, this is the first mention of Ashley Tisdale and there is no context as to who exactly she is. Could you add that?

•  Done (I think) The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

• ..."who is 'like [Stone's] little brother,'..." Can you toss in here that Stone is the one who said this?

•  Done The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

Cultural references:

• "Candace stealing the time machine to change something in the past, thus creating a dystopian future, is a parody of..." The source points out how similar this is to BTTF2 but doesn't say it was specifically written to be parodize it, does it? Could you maybe say "closely mirrors" instead of "is a parody of"?

•  Done The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

Reception:

• "In Kids 6-14, it outranked previous year's records by..." This is hardly a big deal, but should this be "record" or "records"?

• I believe it's records. The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

• "2,697 million" Can you change this to either "2.7 million" or "2,697,000"? The current wording makes it sound like 2,697,000,000. ;)

• Changed to 2.7 million. The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

Very nice job! — Hunter Kahn _(c) 01:05, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

Thanks! :) The Flash ^{talk} 21:27, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

A good article is:

1. Well-written: Prose is good, MOS is good.
2. Factually accurate and verifiable: Sources are good, no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage: Covers main aspects, no unneeded detail.
4. Neutral: Yes.
5. Stable: Yes.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by images: Yes.

Nice job! Pass. — Hunter Kahn _(c) 23:30, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

Thanks again! :) The Flash ^{talk} 00:12, 13 November 2009 (UTC)

A Christmas Carol - It's a Wonderful Life

The creators may not have mentioned it, but two familiar stories/movies where the "butterfly effect" causes a drastically different future are A Christmas Carol and It's a Wonderful Life. One of the songs in this episode is in fact called, "It's been a charmed life." I do not believe that Doofenschmirtz named the city Doofenville, however.Fotoguzzi (talk) 23:18, 22 January 2011 (UTC)Fotoguzzi (talk) 17:49, 23 January 2011 (UTC)

Original research?

The last paragraph says "It is also implied that Phineas wins at least one Nobel Prize as the future Linda says the future Phineas is "in Switzerland for the Awards Ceremony." Ferb is likely President of the United States as he is stated to be "at Camp David", a resort specially made for Presidents since Eisenhower, although his British birth would ordinarily prevent this." There are some problems with that. First, Phineas can't be receiving a Nobel Prize in Switzerland since that prize is awarded on Oslo, Norway. Secondly there are more people in Camp David apart of the president, he could be the plumber for all we know. Also a minor complain, in another paragraph says that the episode is a "satire" of time trivel stories, I think parody is more appropiate.--85.52.72.183 (talk) 00:37, 28 September 2012 (UTC)