Talk:Miriam Auhea Kekāuluohi Crowningburg

Miriam Auhea Kekāuluohi Crowningburg has been listed as one of the History good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Review: April 12, 2020. (Reviewed version).

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A fact from Miriam Auhea Kekāuluohi Crowningburg appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 2 August 2016 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that Hawaiian chiefess Miriam Auhea Kekāuluohi Crowningburg was buried near the Lunalilo Mausoleum, the final resting place of her cousin King Lunalilo?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2016/August. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Lunalilo Mausoleum, Miriam Auhea Kekāuluohi Crowningburg.

Wikipedia

Tombstone

https://www.flickr.com/photos/25013979@N05/8975417242/

GA Review

Latest comment: 4 years ago7 comments2 people in discussion

This review is transcluded from Talk:Miriam Auhea Kekāuluohi Crowningburg/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 19:07, 7 April 2020 (UTC)Reply

Will start soon. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 19:07, 7 April 2020 (UTC)Reply

Criteria

GA Criteria

GA Criteria:

1
1.a Y

1.b Y
2
2.a  Y

2.b  Y

2.c  Y

2.d  Y
3
3.a Y

3.b Y
4
4.a Y
5
5.a Y
6
6.a Y

6.b Y

No DAB links Y
No dead links Y Suggest archiving links with Wayback Machine
No missing citations Y

Discussion

@KAVEBEAR: Must standardize citation templates; currently a mix of SFN and raw ref templates. I would personally suggest standardizing to SFN templates, but either is fine so long as it is standard. -- Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 18:48, 11 April 2020 (UTC)Reply

@Iazyges: Most of the other sources are newspapers with no authors. KAVEBEAR (talk) 20:45, 11 April 2020 (UTC)Reply
@KAVEBEAR:If you use the refname parameter you can can set the SFN names for the newspapers and cite them as such. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 21:43, 11 April 2020 (UTC)Reply
Have been informed that primary sources are allowed to use a separate citation template; passing now. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 05:38, 12 April 2020 (UTC)Reply

Prose Suggestions

Please note that all of these are suggestions, and can be implemented or ignored at your discretion.

Lede

Suggest expanding lede, perhaps with information about her marriage and family

That would just add maybe a sentence or two more and not much more information. The notable information regarding her descendants is summarized though.

she was connected to the ruling family of the Hawaiian Kingdom from her cousin to King Lunalilo to his successors King Kalakaua and Queen Liliʻuokalani. suggest she was connected by her cousin to the ruling family of the Hawaiian Kingdom, including King Lunalilo and his successors King Kalakaua and Queen Liliʻuokalani.

That changes the meaning and makes it quite awkward.

Auhea died on May 16, 1899 and buried next to her cousin on the grounds of the Lunalilo Mausoleum. suggest Auhea died on May 16, 1899 and was buried next to her cousin on the grounds of the Lunalilo Mausoleum.

Changed.

Ancestry

Suggest changing name to "Ancestry and early life"
Through this great grandfather Captain Harold Cox, suggest Through her great grandfather Captain Harold Cox,

Changed.

Marriage and descendants

He served a tax collector for Lahaina and Wailuku. does this mean he was a tax collector, or he served a tax collector? If he was, suggest He served as a tax collector for Lahaina and Wailuku., if he served a tax collector, suggest He served a tax collector, named for Lahaina and Wailuku. also suggest linking Lahaina and Wailuku and explaining that these are islands.

Changed.

Another daughter Lydia Kalola died at Lahaina on November 21, 1859, at the age of eight months and twenty-seven days. where did this daughter come from if not Jesse? If it is from another man, specify this. If it was from Jesse and we are only counting children who lived to be adults, change They had two children to They had two children who survived to adulthood

Changed.

@KAVEBEAR: That is all my suggestions, once the issue of the mixed citation templates is done I can pass the article. -- Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 19:01, 11 April 2020 (UTC)Reply

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