Talk:Mia Wray/GA1
Latest comment: 2 years ago by Sebbirrrr in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Sebbirrrr (talk · contribs) 10:21, 1 June 2022 (UTC)
Hi there. I'll be reviewing this article as part of the current backlog drive.
Infobox
edit- No need to link the awards since they're located in the same page
- Reading ahead I saw that she describes herself as "a soul, blues and folk musician" however the music genres included in the infobox should be the ones that publications have used when talking about her
- Remove independent from the parantheses
Lead
edit- You shouldn't have one-sentence paragraphs
- Link "independently" to Self-publishing
- "at the 2021 AIR Awards, Best Solo Artist" → "at the 2021 AIR Awards and for Best Solo Artist"
- The lead should be one paragraph instead of four, since the paragraphs comprise of either one or two sentences
Early life
edit- The source does not state that her parents inherited the piano, nor does it state that they moved it into her room
- "to parents Carolyn and her father" → this reads weird and unless there is more information on her parents, it should be removed
- Since this section is relatively short, it should be combined with the career section and renamed to "Life and career"
- You shouldn't have one-sentence paragraphs
Musical style and influences
edit- This section should go after the career section
- You shouldn't have one-sentence paragraphs
- "Wray described herself at the time" → "At the time, Wray described herself"
- The bit about her favourite musicians should be at the end of the paragraph
- The "favourable comparisons" bit can go after the genres her music has been described as since they go hand in hand
Career
edit- Per the comment from early life, this should be renamed to "Life and Career"
- "2011–2019: Breakthrough and Mia Wray" → "1995–2019: Early life, breakthrough and independent releases"
- "2020–2021" → "2020–present" (I assume she still makes music)
- From what I see, almost all sentences begin with "On [date]"
- Remove redlinks on Caloundra Music Festival, The State of Music and Northcote Social Club
- "Mia Wray.[4] Mia Wray" → "Mia Wray.[4] The extended play" to avoid repetition
- "Send Me Your Love. Send Me Your Love" → "Send Me Your Love. It" same thing as above
- The "2020–present" section needs to broken in smaller paragraphs
- This section goes into too much detail about her performances, only the notable ones should be included
- Remove the second link on "premiere"
Personal life
edit- Everything is fine here
Discography
edit- Remove the ref next to the CD under Mia Wray
- Remove independent from the parantheses and link Mia Wray to Self-publishing for the first EP
- Remove red-link on Aslove
- She's the only one who performs "Where I Stand", she's not singing it alongside various artists
- "Blue Bird" is spelled as "Bluebird" in the source
Filmography
edit- Everything is fine here
Concert tours
edit- Everything is fine here
Awards and nominations
edit- That format of awards and nominations has been deprecated, they should all be listed in one table, check List of awards and nominations received by Kylie Minogue to see how it should look like now
- What makes the Telstra Road to Discovery Program notable?
References
edit- Copyvio score at 34.2% is alright
- Remove red-links on refs 7 and 39
- Fix MOS:QWQ on refs 12, 16, 26, 28, 31, 34, 42, 48, 52, 53 and 54
- Replace NME Australia with NME on refs 28, 29, 31, 34 and 53
- Fix refs 49 and 53
Outcome
edit- Unfortunately I have to fail this article. Aside from a few formatting issues and some repetition, the main issue here is that the career section (which is the core part of the article and needs to be re-written) goes into too much detail and almost all of the sentences begin with "On [date]", which I don't think can be revised in 7 days. The article has potential to become a GA though so don't feel discouraged. Sebbirrrr (talk) 15:48, 1 June 2022 (UTC)