Talk:George Jameson (RNZAF officer)/GA1
Latest comment: 1 year ago by Pickersgill-Cunliffe in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 13:17, 4 December 2022 (UTC)
I'll take a look at this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 13:17, 4 December 2022 (UTC)
Prelim
edit- The only duplicated link is DSO in the lede, which can probably be kept
- No edit wars
- Image is correctly licenced
- Earwig reports copyvio unlikely
Lede and infobox
edit- Suggest adding his middle name to the lede
- Done. Zawed (talk) 06:39, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Move night-fighter link to first mention in lede
- Done. Zawed (talk) 06:39, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Link sortie
- Done. Zawed (talk) 06:39, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Suggest adding how/when he got the DFC to the lede
- Done. Zawed (talk) 07:31, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Service number can be added to infobox from London Gazette
- Done. Zawed (talk) 06:39, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
Early life
edit- Ref. #4 seems to link to the wrong newspaper article, it discusses his DFC not his education
- It's easy to miss, but it is near the end of the article (3rd para from the bottom). Zawed (talk) 06:42, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Can you provide any dates for the education?
- No, the only source for the education only identifies the schools, not the years attended. Zawed (talk) 06:42, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
Second World War
edit- "Jameson received his flight training"
- Done. Zawed (talk) 06:59, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Link flying ace
- Done. Zawed (talk) 06:59, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "Posted to No. 125 Squadron" based where?
- Have added. Zawed (talk) 06:59, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "in November he was awarded..." this sentence needs a rejig, doesn't work later on
- Oops, sorted. Zawed (talk) 06:59, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "with the assistance of radar Jameson shot up"
- Done. Zawed (talk) 06:59, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- How exactly is radar helping him shoot an aircraft engine? Did it perhaps tell him where the aircraft was?
- Have rephrased this. Zawed (talk) 06:59, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "flying operations"?
- Done. Zawed (talk) 06:59, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Do we know which OTU it was?
- No, the source only gives the briefest of details. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- A more particular date would be useful for the OTU, you've leaving me to guess anywhere between February and December!
- Again, minimal detail from the source on this. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "Norman Crookes" give Crookes his rank if possible - would be useful to mention somewhere that both his planes are double seaters
- Rank added and mention of the Mosquito being a two-seater added. Zawed (talk) 06:59, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "Crooks combined" sp?
- Rephrased. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "A Ju 88 was destroyed" this doesn't actually make it clear that Jameson was the one to do the destroying
- Rephrased Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Link anti-aircraft gun
- Done. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Temporary situation or temporary station?
- Whoops, should be station. Fixed. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "This second Ju 88" technically this is the third Ju 88
- It was meant in the context of the second actually detsroyed, but regardless I have rephrased this. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Link sortie
- Done. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "he was able to score hits"
- The number of times I have read this, you think I would have spotted this missing word...fixed. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Link cockpit
- Done. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "a Ju 88 was destroyed over Avranches" again, not made clear this is Jameson's work
- Rephrased. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "September 1944" repeated year
- Deleted. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "The same month..." too much "sortie" in this sentence!
- Done. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Give the acres number a conversion, probably to hectares?
- Done. Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- "memorabilia" seems a little tacky, could you describe it better?
- How about wartime effects? Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
References
edit- Repeat earlier cmt about ref. #4
- Discussed above. Zawed (talk) 07:00, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Other references look ok, AGF with print sources
@Zawed: Hi, that's all I have for now. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 20:38, 9 December 2022 (UTC)
- Pickersgill-Cunliffe thanks for the detailed review, I have responded to your various comments as above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 08:15, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- @Zawed: Edits look good. A few final points:
- Link Flying Officer
- Done on first mention. Zawed (talk) 21:46, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Either "two-seater De Havilland Mosquitos" or "the two-seater De Havilland Mosquito"
- Went with the latter. Zawed (talk) 21:46, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- You don't mention any of his ranks before flight lieutenant, it would be useful if you can provide at least one of them
- I've added his rank at the time of the DFC being awarded since the preamble to LG citation refers to this. Unfortunately, I don't know when he was commissioned as a pilot officer. Zawed (talk) 21:46, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- That's all I've got. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 19:52, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Thanks, responded as above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 21:46, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- @Zawed: Passing this article as satisfying the GA criteria. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 01:51, 11 December 2022 (UTC)
- Thanks, responded as above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 21:46, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- @Zawed: Edits look good. A few final points: