Talk:Experimental pop/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

---

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 22:54, 31 October 2016 (UTC) →

Lead

• Originating in the 1950s → Something can originate from a place or country, but not from a year
• was welcomed by young audiences → was positively received

Characteristics

• Other authors[who?] → you can remove the 'who?'-tag, as it suffices here
• artists: they may → artists—they may
• pop settings combines → pop setting combine
• celebrating sonic juxtapositions → is this a quote?; you can at least put the last two words in ""

History

• Grubb says that → Grubbs further explains that
• in the mid 1960s was Welsh → in the mid 1960s were Welsh
• studio, as composer Robert Ashley is quoted in 1966: "We → studio. Regarding to this, composer Robert Ashley is quoted in 1966; "We
• happen. ... The → happen. [...] The
• magic. ... We → magic. [...] We
• Set comma after "Smiley Smile (1967)"
• the album: "embrace[d] → remove ":"
• was welcomed by young audiences → was positively received by young audiences
• which he wrote "seemed → which he described as "[seeming]
• which would be filled by → which would be later filled by
• to create an album, Present Tense → to create their debut studio album, Present Tense
• named an "experimental pop band" → referred to as an "experimental pop band"

• Image > perform → performing
• running throughout the UK → spell UK out an unlink it
• of musician ex-Roxy Music member → of ex-Roxy Music member musician + wikilink the band here and not later
• era's "most successful" experimental pop music → someone can't be music; change to "music" to "artists"
• the key to his success → the key to their success
• Pickard of the publication → "the" is overfluous
• lucidity ... the → lucidity [...] the
• session musicians, in addition → remove comma
• He called it "a rock → He further called it "a rock
• with showcasing an experimental → with showcasing an experimental
• particularly that of artists such as → particularly released by artists such as
• of the Animal Collective album → of Animal Collective's album
• Collective ... it's necessary ... → Collective [...] it's necessary [...]

Notes

• 2 > elaborating: "Meek → elaborating; "Meek
• 2 > sound. ... The → sound. [...]
• 2 > who in 2009 created "The Joe Meek Award for Innovation in Production" → who found ... in 2009
• 3 > time ... The → time [...] The
• 3 > number 8 → number eight
• 5 > era ... sounding → era [...] sounding

Outcome

• Great article! Put this  On hold for 7 days in order to allow edits. Best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:42, 2 November 2016 (UTC)

@Cartoon network freak: Done, thanks for all the suggestions.--Ilovetopaint (talk) 15:39, 5 November 2016 (UTC)

Gladly passing! Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:50, 5 November 2016 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.