Talk:Ali Akbar Qavam ol-Molk

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Ali Akbar Qawam al-Mulk/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Jens Lallensack (talk · contribs) 10:07, 10 January 2022 (UTC)

Reviewing now. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 10:07, 10 January 2022 (UTC)

• "1788 – 1865" – should be "1788–1865", en-dash is used with no spaces.
  • done
• who served as the kalantar of Shiraz – can "kalantar" be linked or explained? It is obviously a very central term here, and I have no idea what it is.
  • added
• It would be great to have some paragraph on background, possibly combined with the "Early Life" section. This can be general information that an ignorant European like me might not know, e.g. about the Qajar period, who the ruler was, and anything that may help with understanding.
• Ali Akbar ordered for building several pavilons that the most prominent of them was the Qavam House. – Why "was"? According to the picture, it still exists? Did any of the other mentioned buildings survive? Is the building publicly accessible today?
• The heading says "Disputes and retiring", but in the next paragraph, it says, Ali Akbar in his later years was appointed as the Custodian of Astan Quds Razavi, the position that he held until his death, so he was not actually retiring?
  • the role of Custodian is not realy a governmental job - a religous one at that -.
• Heading "Administration and contributions" – The sections seems to be about building activity only, and not about administration at all, so should it be renamed?
  • renamed it to just Contributions.
• link terms when they first appear (separately in both lead and main text), such as "Fars".
• We clearly have a problem with "Good Article criterion 1: well written". It seriously needs a copy edit by somebody with a good grip of English, and you would need to check that copy edit if no errors are introduced, because some sentences are ambiguous. For example, when you say "Ali Akbar was one of only survivers", I am not sure if you mean he was the only survivor, or if he was one of few survivors. You could generally list articles at Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors/Requests before nominating. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 11:21, 10 January 2022 (UTC)
  • wel i cant perform a copy edit and it would take a long time for a copy editor ti pick this up so i guess the nomination will fail.
    • Yeah the article needs a lot of work, unfortunately, so I also think that failing it now would be best, giving you time to improve it. Once you renominate, please feel free to ping me, I will be happy to pick this up again. Regarding the writing, you make many mistakes which are easy to avoid (e.g. always use an upper case letter at the start of a sentence, and use spellchecker to avoid spelling mistakes). I would recommend you try to improve the text as best as you can first, and then request a copy edit. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 17:33, 10 January 2022 (UTC)

Closing note: No further action by the author, so closing now as discussed above. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 21:12, 12 January 2022 (UTC)