Talk:20th Battalion (New Zealand)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: WikiCopter (talk · contribs) 00:39, 14 January 2013 (UTC) Starting review... NOW WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 00:39, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

• Looks good at first blush. Try expanding the lead a bit. That's all for now, I am pressed in the real world. WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 00:39, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for taking at a look at this. As per your suggestion, I have expanded the lead. I await your further feedback. Cheers. Zawed (talk) 10:08, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

Lead now looks nicely sized, although could be further enlarged. WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 05:13, 15 January 2013 (UTC)

Have expanded lead a little more. Zawed (talk) 11:01, 15 January 2013 (UTC)

• Cheers. Another thought: convert the bulleted list in last section into numbered list, and ref the list. (dang, my spacebar is not working well today!) WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 05:13, 15 January 2013 (UTC)

I have added a ref for each name. Regarding the numbering of the list I am reluctant to do this. It implies an logical order or sequence to the commanding officers when in fact command shifted back and forth between some individuals. For example McKergow had two spells in command, replacing Burrows both times. Also, on other GA articles in the ANZSP I have looked at, the list of commanding officers is presented as bulleted lists. I would like to be consistent with those articles. I hope that is satisfactory. Zawed (talk) 11:01, 15 January 2013 (UTC)

Ah... I see. Do you have the dates of command? If so, embedding this information into the list would be nice. Also, I think you should ref the first (unbulleted) line, instead of cluttering up the list with little blue numbers in brackets. WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 21:41, 15 January 2013 (UTC)

Have reffed first sentence as per suggestion. That looks a lot better. Regarding dates, the source includes month/year information which I will include tonight. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

And done. Zawed (talk) 08:12, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

• Formatting:
  • In the infobox, indent the bullets and remove the bullets.
• Done. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
  • Is it custom to display the armed forces' coat of arms in the infobox?
    • Referring back to similar GA articles in ANZSP, some do, some don't. I have seen it more in US/German unit articles. My preference is to include it. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
• Grammar:
  • There are grammar slips in the first sentences of the first two sections.
    • Have revised these. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
  • The second section's grammar is atrocious... should be extensively copyedited or rewritten.
    • Not atrocious, the grammar is! That's a poor joke. I have revised some of the text in this section. I think it flows better now. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
      • Hey, Yoda! Whazzup? The grammar here is still crisp and clipped, but I think it passes.
  • First sentence of third section is long, and poorly constructed.
    • Have revised. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "gradually traveled up Italy towards the Sangro River" should be travelled... Right? I don't know if it is different in British English... I am American.
    • Well spotted, I didn't know there was a difference between BE and US english for this word! (I use US spellcheck) I have changed to travelled as rest of article is in BE. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "Like at Orsogna" should be as.
    • Done. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

Beyond this, you should be good to go! I will forgo onholding, as I think you can fix all this soon enough. WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 21:50, 15 January 2013 (UTC)

• Thanks again for the review. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
  • You are welcome! Cheers, passed. WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 01:15, 17 January 2013 (UTC)