Talk:India Jane Birley

Untitled

The family tree is inaccurate, for example omitting Rupert, the 3rd child of Mark Birley. I am unable to add to the boxes, but someone should fix its form (eg, include mother...) and fix errors as above.

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:India Jane Birley/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: An anonymous username, not my real name (talk · contribs) 21:49, 4 November 2022 (UTC)

I will do this review. An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 21:49, 4 November 2022 (UTC)

General notes

• Overall, there seem to be excessive quotations. I don't have any specific ones in mind, but getting rid of or shorting a few would be helpful. Done
• An infobox is something that I strongly advocate for in any article. Done
• Freely available images are scarce, but something at least partially relevant to her life would help illustrate the article a little. Done
• Several duplinks throughout the body.

Biography

• Her birthdate is given in the lead, but not here. I cannot find the birthdate online in an RS so I have removed it.
• I know everyone knows what London is being discussed, but specify London, England (assuming the source does, which I cannot see, as it is paywalled) for formality. Done
• and three half-siblings, Zac, Jemima, and Ben Goldsmith, from her mother's relationship with James Goldsmith, the man who became her second husband. I suggest rewording to "Lady Annabel's second husband" or "India Jane's stepfather" for less ambiguity. Done
• As a child she witnessed the attack by a tiger at the private zoo of John Aspinall on her brother Robin Awkward wording; try "As a child, she witnessed a tiger attack [and you can link the relevant article] on her brother Robin at John Aspinall, a private zoo." Done, I've refined it slightly and created a new sentence for clarity.
• The club had been perceived as old fashioned with its heyday in the 1970s and 1980s but her changes led to the arrival of a younger crowd to the club and the revival of its popularity. Adding commas before with and after 1980s reads much better. Done
• Upon his death in 2007 Mark Birley left the majority of his estate valued at £120 million and his possessions to India Jane to be kept in trust for her son, Eben, in his will. Add a comma after 2007. Consider putting dashing around "valued at £120 million". Done "his estate — valued" I assume this is what you mean.
• Birley held an auction at Sotheby's You may want to check the linking of the last word. Done

Art

• In 2001 The Economist described Birley as being a "modern portrait painter, in pursuit of honesty" Saying "as a" would be far more natural than "as being a". Also, put a comma after the date. Done
• Birley and Janey Longman were the two subjects of Lucian Freud's 1992 painting Two Women. Specifying that there were two subjects seems unnecessary in this context. Done

Personal life

• During her separation from Pike, Birley met a Canadian voice coach and Alexander Technique tutor, Robert Macdonald. He is described in the cited article as a "a voice coach and teacher of breathing techniques"; mentioning the Alexander Technique seems to stray from what is stated. Removed, Done
• The date of her son's birth, or at least the year, should be given, if you can find it (I see that it's not mentioned in the cited source). I cannot find the date of his birth, unfortunately.

Still some substantial work needed, but not bad overall. I'm placing it on hold. Good luck. An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 23:15, 4 November 2022 (UTC)

Many thanks for such a comprehensive review. I'll look over these today. No Swan So Fine (talk) 16:40, 8 November 2022 (UTC)

No problem. Take as much time as you need. An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 00:18, 9 November 2022 (UTC)

No Swan So Fine, when are you going to be done improving the article? I've already waited significantly longer than I should've since I started the review, and I may have no other choice but to fail it if you don't reply in the next day or so. An anonymous username, not my real name 02:10, 18 November 2022 (UTC)

I've now completed the fixes you suggested. Sorry for my inattentiveness. No Swan So Fine (talk) 14:32, 18 November 2022 (UTC)

No worries. I've checked the images, and it definitely meets GA criteria now, so I'll pass it. An anonymous username, not my real name 01:21, 19 November 2022 (UTC)