Talk:Shinagawa no Tsuki, Yoshiwara no Hana, and Fukagawa no Yuki

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Shinagawa no Tsuki, Yoshiwara no Hana, and Fukagawa no Yuki/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: MX (talk · contribs) 00:38, 29 October 2017 (UTC)

Review

Lead paragraph

• who requested them on the themes "moon", "flowers", and "snow". – Does the body specifically say that Zenno requested to have this theme? From what I read, Utamaro used this theme, but there was no mention of Zenno requesting it. Sorry if I missed it.

• The paintings have a reputation as Utamaro's most ambitious works – "have a reputation of being Utamaro's ..."

• two are now in American collections – Make sure to add the location of the museums in the body (i.e. "Freer Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C." and "collection of the Wadsworth Atheneum in Hartford, Connecticut"), just like you did at Fukagawa no Yuki, saying "Okada Museum of Art (ja) in the town of Hakone in Japan". That way this is cited.

Background

• which depicted most often courtesans and – remove link from courtesans per WP:OVERLINK; already linked earlier

• which have been descovered only – discovered

Execution and history

• and are the only known Utamaro paintings he did not sign – since it is assumed in context that we are speaking about Utamaro, I would change to “are the only known paintings Utamaro did not sign”.
  • Done. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 01:08, 29 October 2017 (UTC)
• connected by waterways to Edo – Edo; add (modern Tokyo) and remove from the rest

• Tochigi's kyōka poetry circles – link kyōka here and remove it from the following sentence

• and the Kamaya shop the Zennos – what is a Kamaya shop?

• in the West – I would change to Western world to avoid confusion (assuming that is what you mean)
  • Done. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 01:09, 29 October 2017 (UTC)

Description and analysis

• Utamaro depicts on of the three most – “one of the three”?
  • Fixed. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 01:06, 29 October 2017 (UTC)

• such as courtesans and geishas of the pleasure districts; - remove links per WP:OVERLINK

• On the kimono of a woman in each - “on the kimonos of the women in each”

Shinagawa no Tsuki

• Shinagawa no Tsuki (品川の月, "Moon in Shinagawa", late 18th century) is also known as Tsukimi no Zashiki Zu (月見の座敷図, "Picture of parlour moon-viewing") or Moonlight Revelry at Dozō Sagami. – This stand-alone paragraph needs a source.

• It resides in the collection of the Freer Gallery of Art – link Freer Gallery of Art

• in a two-story yūkaku pleasure house – remove link per WP:OVERLINK

• capital of Edo (modern Tokyo) – remove link per WP:OVERLINK; Edo is mentioned in the first section. Please add (modern Tokyo) there instead

• It was owned by Sagamiya Chūbei – is this a pleasure house or a person? Because if it is a pleasure house, I would word: “Sagamiya Chūbei, the most prosperous pleasure house in Shinagawa.”

• give the architecture a sense of depth – link Depth perception#In art

• A framed kyōka poem by Yomo no Akara – remove link per WP:OVERLINK

• Kamaya Ihē commissioned the paintings – who is this person? I would add a short description (i.e. "merchant", like you did with Zenno)

• donated it to the Freer Gallery of Art - remove link per WP:OVERLINK since you will link it in the first mention

Yoshiwara no Hana

• The horizontal painting is a hanging scroll - remove link per WP:OVERLINK

• pleasure district in Edo (modern Tokyo) - remove link per WP:OVERLINK; parenthesis of Tokyo not needed since it will be used in the first mention.

Fukagawa no Yuki

• The horizontal painting is a hanging scroll in coloured – remove link per WP:OVERLINK

• her hand on the railing, lookin got the right behind her – please fix the spelling and grammar in this sentence
  • Fixed. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 01:05, 29 October 2017 (UTC)

Sources

• Everything checks out. Offline sources accepted in good faith. No copyright violations

Footnotes

• Why don't all of the footnotes have a source? Would you be able to add for each, if appropriate?
  • The footnotes without sources only give the Japanese renderings of the names in the text. They're not statements requiring sources, and regardless, if they were considered inline, the "source" would be the following source in the text. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 01:04, 29 October 2017 (UTC)

Images

• All clear

Comments

Thanks for taking this! I won't be able to get to the rest of this right away, but I just wanted to point out in response to WP:OVERLINK that (a) I think you mean MOS:DUPLINK (WP:OVERLINK refers to linking to terms readers should be familiar with) and (b) per DUPLINK, repeating links in the lead & body is acceptable, especially given that the lead is supposed to be a summary of the body (the body should be independent of the lead). Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 01:14, 29 October 2017 (UTC)

• Got it! Thanks for the clarification. MX (✉ • ✎) 01:43, 29 October 2017 (UTC)

Curly Turkey Hi, let me know when you're done with the updates so I can take a look at them. If you need more time, let me know! Thanks. MX (✉ • ✎) 00:43, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

MX—Hi, I'm really sorry, I just haven't had the time to give to this, and I probably won't for the next couple days at least. I know you're supposed to close this down after a certain amount of inactivity—it wouldn't bother me if you had to do that. I can just relist. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 04:07, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

@Curly Turkey: Hi, there's no need to fail this nomination when it is so close to promotion. Would you be able to address the three points below so I can pass this review? I've taken care of the rest. MX (✉ • ✎) 01:24, 8 November 2017 (UTC)

• It was owned by Sagamiya Chūbei – is this a pleasure house or a person? Because if it is a pleasure house, I would word: “Sagamiya Chūbei, the most prosperous pleasure house in Shinagawa.”

• Kamaya Ihē commissioned the paintings – who is this person? I would add a short description (i.e. "merchant", like you did with Zenno)

• Shinagawa no Tsuki (品川の月, "Moon in Shinagawa", late 18th century) is also known as Tsukimi no Zashiki Zu (月見の座敷図, "Picture of parlour moon-viewing") or Moonlight Revelry at Dozō Sagami. – This stand-alone paragraph needs a source.

• Had to fail this nomination after the issues were not addressed... hate to this see this happen. MX (✉ • ✎) 16:02, 11 November 2017 (UTC)