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Latest comment: 12 years ago2 comments2 people in discussion
Just some thoughts while reading this
"He believes Erinsborough is a bit of a backwater and sees himself more as a city guy" in the lead is virtually a direct copy of the quote later - it must be paraphrased or put into quotes again here.
Done.
"he received the part of Rhys" - surely he won the part, or was awarded the part, or was cast as ?
Done.
Source which explains a lot about why Rhys is the way he is, article would explain a lot more about why Rhys is the way he is - in this, and some other places, there is text taken from the referenced quote without much rephrasing at all but not placed in quotes. It either needs to be rewritten in original words or presented as a quotation.
In the storylines section there are a very large number of sentences that start "Rhys does x". They read as a dot-point list. This section needs work to turn it into prose.
"The actor was appearing in another Australian soap opera when he was cast in the role of Rhys" - don't think this is important enough for the lead
Removed.
Lead: which characters do Fletcher and Woodburne play, and what is their relationship to Rhys?
Done.
"His casting announcement came as the show lost regular cast member Scott McGregor." - what character did McGregor play?
Added.
"going through a rocky patch in their marriage" - "rocky patch" is kind of slang; try something like "hard time" to make it more accessible, especially to those new to English
Done.
"Kate feels awkward about the whole thing" → "Kate feels awkward about it" (or some other synonym)
Done.
"He does not any expectations of Kate" - missing word here
Done
"The actor added that sparks fly between Rhys and Kate, as he knows how to press her buttons." Are the idioms "sparks fly" and "press her buttons" direct quotes? If so, they should be in quotes. If not, they should probably be rewritten. See WP:IDIOM
"Rhys treats Chris Pappas (James Mason) after he is attacked, but fails to get him to stay for his x-rays." - Wasn't the X in "x-rays" capitalized above?
Done.
"Aidan Foster (Bobby Morley) spots that Chris has a broken rib, which is pressing on his lung and Rhys finds him collapsed on the floor of Fitzgerald Motors." Make bolded corrections
Done.
"Rhys treats Susan when she has an MS relapse..." Like "MS" to "multiple sclerosis", or spell it out (and link)
I was in two minds about whether to add it or not. I checked out the writers/editors page and this one - [2], which appears to show the website's articles have been published by third-party publications. I'm pretty sure it's not a fansite or a blog and the content does not appear to be user-generated. I do rather like the quote, but if the source doesn't meet WP:RS it can go.
Sorry for the delayed response; I've been preoccupied with the BBC changing their website. I like Shadowlocked's quote too, but I really don't think the website is realiable. The websites that have republished their content aren't the most high-quality sources and also just seem to be sharing opinion pieces around the web. Glimmer721talk20:11, 24 May 2012 (UTC)Reply
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